ASMR Script: "Your Tsundere Coworker Gets Mad When You Skip Work" (1,346 Spoken Words)

[The sound of loud and aggressive knocking with a muffled voice.]

Hey! Open up already, you slacker! I know you’re in there!

[Louder banging]

Tch—don’t make me stand out here all day! If you don’t open up, I swear I’ll—!

[Door opens]

Hah! Took you long enough! Geez, were you napping or something? What, you suddenly turn into a lazy bum just because you skipped work today?

(…)

Oh, and don't even try that ‘I was sick’ excuse! I’m not stupid. You don’t look sick! Your voice is fine, you’re not sniffling, and you’re standing upright! Not even a single cough! So don't even try using such a pathetic excuse!

[Sound of her pushing past and stepping inside]

Move it, I’m coming in. I didn’t walk all the way here just to stand in your doorway like some kind of idiot... Alright, let’s hear it. What’s your real excuse? And don’t you dare try to weasel your way out of this! I will find out the truth, even if I have to interrogate you all night!

(…)

Oh, so now you actually have an answer? Spit it out already!

(…)

...Vacation time?? That’s it?! THAT'S your reason?! You just felt like taking a day off?! Are you serious!? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! Who just takes a day off for no reason!? You had a responsibility! A duty! And you just—just ditched us like it was nothing!?

(…)

No! I'm not upset that you didn't come to work for me!

[Sound of her huffing, crossing her arms]

There’s gotta be more to this! There’s no way you’d just abandon your post over something this stupid!

[Sound of her opening drawers, shuffling through stuff]

Fine! Guess I’ll just have to investigate myself! Who knows what kind of shady things you’ve got hiding in here, huh? What exactly were you doing today, hmm? I will find out! What is this? A PS5? How can you afford such an expensive console if all you do is skip work huh!?

(…)

You know what I think? I think you're working another job behind my back! So what job do you have that's more important than going to the job that I work at!?

(…)

Liar! You clearly have a way of getting money, especially if you can afford a PS5 off minimum wage, while taking multiple days off.

(…)

Why do I care so much? Pfft, don’t make me laugh! I don’t care, you idiot! Unlike you, I actually value my job! And I'll be damned if you get yourself fired, leaving me to deal with those brain-dead morons all by myself!

(…)

Yeah, you’re an idiot too, but at least you’re not as insufferable as the rest of those losers I’m forced to work with every day!

(…)

[She Scoffs]

That doesn’t mean I like you or anything! Don’t get so full of yourself! As if I’d ever— UGH! Just shut up already!

[Sound of rummaging through more of their stuff]

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to continue my investigation! There’s definitely something suspicious going on here!

(…)

Oh? You do mind? An invasion of privacy, you say? Ooooh, waaah waaah, cry me a river! Call the cops while you're at it!

(…)

Besides, You forfeited your right to privacy when you decided to ditch work for no good reason! Now, let’s see… where would a lazy slacker hide the real reason they bailed on their responsibilities?

(…)

What's this? A receipt! And not just any receipt, from the restaurant Maggiano's. $49.78!? So not only can you afford a PS5 on your salary, but a fancy meal at a fancy restaurant. Wait, why does it look like this fed two people? You aren't dating someone are you!?

(...)

Yeah, I can tell, no sane person orders two meals with a side of fries, at that point you just order fries, so spill the beans loser. Are you dating behind my back? Is she your sugar mommy? Is she the reason you can afford a PS5, huh? huh!?

(…)

Oh, so now you're getting all defensive, huh?! Stammering like a guilty little rat! That’s suspicious! Who is she?! Where did you take her?! Or—or did she take you out, huh?! What, you suddenly got yourself a rich girlfriend and decided to keep it a secret from me?!

(…)

Your mom? Pfft. Yeah right, you're a loser, but you aren't that big of a loser, everyone knows that only geeks and nerds go out to eat with their moms.

(…)

What’s with that dumb look on your face? I’m not jealous! Pfft! As if I’d care who you’re going out to eat with! Whether she’s your mom, a rich older woman or—or just some desperate girl with terrible taste, ugh! It doesn’t matter to me! I don’t care! I don’t!!

(…)

[She gets flustered]

I'm not blushing idiot! it's your house, it's too hot in here, you can afford expensive meals and a PS5, but can't afford proper air conditioning?

(…)

Shut Up! I don't care if it's January! it's still way too hot in this house!

(…)

Ugh! Whatever! I don’t have time to argue with a delusional slacker like you! I still haven’t figured out how you’re pulling off this whole act!

[Sounds of her rummaging through more stuff, opening another drawer]

There’s gotta be something in here that proves you’re up to something! A secret paycheck? An inheritance?

(…)

Wait… This is… your pay stub? And it says you actually picked up extra shifts last month?

(…)

...Tch! S-So what?! That doesn’t mean anything! Just because you worked a little extra doesn’t mean you deserve to take random days off!

(…)

Oh, shut up! I’m not backpedaling! I’m just saying— ugh! You’re still a lazy slacker! Even if you technically earned a break, you could’ve at least told me first!

(…)

Shut Up! Just because I want to know the whereabouts of my fellow employees, doesn't mean that I like you!

(…)

Oh, don’t you dare start smirking at me like that! I swear, if you even think about saying I missed you!

(…)

Because I didn't! I already told you, I'm only here because you didn't tell anyone you weren't coming in today. What if you were being held hostage, am I not responsible for the well being of my coworkers if I can help it?

(…)

It's an example stupid, of course I didn't think you were in danger, and if you were, I certainly wouldn't come to save you!

(…)

Then why did I come? Because idiot, I already told you, and I shouldn't have to repeat myself.

(…)

What do you mean that's not a good enough explanation? It's a perfect explanation, now shut up, where is your room?

(…)

Not for that reason you perv! I want to look for clues in there!

(…)

Fine, move!

[The sound of a door opening as she rummages more]

What now loser?

(…)

Yeah, I do have an answer on why you were able to skip work but WHY? Why on earth would you stay at home rather than work with me? Not because I like you! How many times do I have to say that!?

(…)

Fine! I enjoy your company the slightest bit more than anyone else at work, and that's why it's your responsibility to be at work when you're scheduled.

(…)

That's your own fault for making me rely on your ability to be slightly less annoying compared to the other losers. Seriously, you left me to fend for myself with Keith of all people. He just goes on and on about Fantasy Football and will never shut up about it.

(…)

You don't like him either? Duh, no one likes Keith, first off, who names their kid Keith? second of all, out of every hobby you can be interested in, why Fantasy Football? He is easily the most annoying person at work, and next time I expect that you come in when you're scheduled to.

(…)

I'm saying that I'm letting you off the hook this time, But... You owe me for making me come here and putting me through hell. I expect you to be a gentleman and take me out and pay for my lunch.

(…)

It's not like a date! It's just you, and me, going out to eat, and you're paying, got it loser!?

(…)

Good! now I better see you at work tomorrow, on time! If you don't show up, I'll do something bad, something I might regret.

(…)

That’s what I like to hear. Anyway, I should get going. Don’t forget our— uh… don’t forget that you owe me lunch!

[End]