Scared of family fallout if I ask him to move out

My husband and I have been together 9 years, married 5. Two children under 3yo. Tension has been building for a while. Today I asked him to move out to his parent’s house nearby to work on himself and give me space while I figure out if I can trust him and respect him. I’m afraid my in-laws and extended family will never view me favorably again and it will break our close family connections. Im afraid they’ll badmouth me to him. I’m afraid to tell my family why I asked him to move out bc I think they’ll never see him the same way. Do I tell them the truth? Do I just ask him to move into the guest room and try to solve it “in house”? I worry I won’t have the space I need to miss him and rebuild trust and hopefully fall back in love :(

The kicker of why I asked him to move out is I found out he’s been getting handjobs at a local massage parlor on his lunch break. We’ve struggled with his emotional infidelity our entire relationship, but until now it’s never been physical. He says he’s wildly stressed bc his business is failing. He has crippling ADHD. He also says bc of this he has no money and hasn’t been consistently contributing to mortgage or daycare. To hear he’s even spending a penny on a handy at a massage parlor while he asks me for mortgage is enraging. He’s also been increasingly snappy with me and historically has had several major blow ups at me that have frankly scared me. We had a come-to-Jesus several months ago about doing better or getting divorced and while he’s made some positive changes in communication, I now have this infidelity. Of note, I’m about to inherit several tens of thousands of dollars from the passing of my beloved grandparent and he’s telling me we may need to pay mortgage with this. I wanted to put a front porch on our home in her memory.

I don’t know if he can be a better version of himself. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust him. I told him whatever happens in our marriage, we need trust and respect just to coparent. Do these things regrow with space or not?

He feels terrible. Embarrassed. Pathetic. Says he’ll do anything I ask. Will go to his parents if I tell him to. My in-laws can tend to hold grudges and I worry they’ll get in his ear and this is the nail in the coffin. I know it’s from his actions. If I were advising a friend on this I’d say that if this is the nail in the coffin then he’s not worth your fight anyway. But I’m scared. And we have young children.

Has anyone had a successful separation?

Was it out of the home or just the guest room? When a spouse deeply messes up, do you tell your family and friends WHY you’re separated?

tl;dr found out my husband was paying for happy endings at a massage parlor when his business is failing to the point he can’t contribute to our mortgage. Do I ask him to move nearby with his parents or to the guest room while I see if we can rebuild trust?