From neurotic wreck to CURED!! 4 weird, easy, cheap ways I fixed my horrible swamp brain (ADHD, internet addiction, anxiety, and intrusive suicidal thoughts)

This is not medical advice. I just wanted to share my experience.

For about 15 years, my life was a struggle. I had constant intrusive suicidal thoughts (probably 20 times every day), panic attacks, internet and gaming addiction, and (obviously) difficulty pursuing my goals. I was barely keeping my head above water.

I was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and generalized anxiety. Welbutrin helped a lot, but still left me in the condition described above. Prozac, adderall, and ketamine didn't help. I did therapy on-and-off. It did help me at first -- probably saved my life. But after a few years, I plateaued.

Once I accepted that therapy wasn't the solution for me, I started looking for other options.

And it worked!!!

The difference is night and day. I literally don't have intrusive thoughts anymore!! I never think about suicide. I easily quit 80% of my social media and gaming. I'm making art again. I think my focus at work is better (but I'm not 100% sure).

The solutions turned out to be

1. EMDR (~20% contribution to my improvement) For a couple of months, when I had a panic attack, I'd watch this video. I probably put in 5 hours over 3 months, and I basically stopped having panic attacks. The results have held for 8 months, without needing a refresher. (Doing this at home is risky. If my condition were volatile, I would have seen a professional.)

2. Meditation (~10% contribution to my improvement) I now meditate for 30 minutes a day. The trick was to build it into my schedule.

3. New Age Shadow Work (..or something???) (~30%) This is objectively cringe, but I'd be lying if I didn't include it. I read Existential Kink, and did the meditation exercises. I don't believe in the metaphysics or philosophy of this book. But it helped me cut down on my intrusive thoughts and perform better at work. The results have been steady for 10 weeks. The book The Work might be similar, but more accessible. More mainstream shadow work is probably also great, but I don't know anything about it. As with at-home EMDR, I'm not sure this route is a safe choice for everyone.

4. Creatine (~40%) YES!! The over-the-counter workout supplement!!! There's some mixed evidence that it can help with mood and dopamine-regulation. So I figured it was worth a shot.

IT WAS WORTH A SHOT. My intrusive thoughts and OCD-related anxiety ARE JUST GONE. And when I stopped taking creatine while traveling, they temporarily came back (although not nearly as bad -- thank God). It seems like this is the game-changer.

There are side-effects. When I was taking a full scoop, as recommended on the box, it disrupted my sleep. I now take about a fifth of a scoop daily. It's also messing with my hormones ; I have more lady-pain than I used to, which is non-trivial. (And, yes, I have gotten more ripped.)

80% of my improvement happened over one month. And it's held steady for ten weeks now. And things keep getting better!

I don't expect to be completely symptom-free forever. But for over two months, I've felt cured. Over the past 15 years, I don't think I've had even 40 non-consecutive days where I felt this ok.

Now that I'm on the greener grass, it's interesting how many things are the same. Even with all the time I'm not wasting, it's still hard to be disciplined. The mundane annoyances in my life are still there. My career and and love life are both still stuck.

But I don't feel disabled anymore. I'm playing with a full deck of cards. And now that my worst symptoms are gone, I think I can improve my habits, and my life will transform even more.

I always knew that someday, I would beat my intrusive thoughts. And I'm so relieved and excited that that chapter of my life has finally started.

I'm so glad I didn't kill myself. I'm so glad I had faith that I could be happy again.

To everyone in this sub, I'm so proud of all of you. Trying to live, while your brain feels half-dead, is heroic. I wish you every happiness in the world.