any exmuslims who gave up their life to islam despite?

i am still young and im not sure what i want to do about this religious conflict that will rise between me and my family if they become more aware of it. i really love my family and even though i would like to live a life away from islam that also connotes a life away from my family and im not confident that i have the will to do that. if i want to stay with my family and still have them love me i would have to pretend to be muslim for the rest of my life, so i was wondering if there is anybody who is living like that and could share their experiences + give advice?