i have no friends left

this is my first post here even though ive been on the sub for about 5 years, doubt anyone will take the time to read this but just thought id post my story here anyway.

from a young age (12) i have been into drugs (weed, alcohol) even though i was a relatively smart kid atleast academically, considering i was in top math and second english and just overall found school quite easy in that respect. where i struggled was anxiety which is what i think made drugs so appealing since they lowered my inhibitions and also just made me seem cool (atleast i thought so).

anyway that slowly led to a gateway of trying many harder drugs and by 15 i was smoking ice and taking xans/oxys every few days and barely going to school. even with all this drug taking and socialising i was still had bad social anxiety and found it very hard to make new friends (could hardly even talk to girls) and then covid hit, i basically stopped going outside completely outside of hanging out with a two older friends (dealers). fast forward a year and abit one of the older friends has moved away and the other has tried to commit suicide and is hospitalised.

since then for the last ~3 years i have basically not gone outside a single time besides two appointments i had to do for welfare. ive also stopped taking hard drugs, i almost only smoke weed and drink everyday since i can get both delivered to the house (i know i could get anything delivered off the dnm but where i live we have strict customs) but its mostly because i was trying to better myself in terms of not doing harder substances. anyway that has cleary failed since ive become a hermit with no friends and basically no family besides my ill mother and a cousin that lives 5hours away.

not sure where im going with this really, just wanted to vent i guess since im to afraid to even go see a shrink/doctor, i fear that ive permanently fried myself with drugs and that ill never be able to form a friendship/relationship again, and i can feel my mental state declining day by day, im not sure how much more of this i can endure. anyways thankyou for reading my short life story if youve read this far, if you has any tips/anecdotes it would be appreciated and good luck with your own life.