Daughter of hoarder helping to declutter without conflict

Hi everyone

I’m seeking guidance on handling a long-term hoarding situation with my dad. For years, our family has tried to help him declutter, but every attempt leads to misunderstandings, stress, and sometimes arguments. Many of the items he holds onto have little to no practical value (though I understand that’s subjective), and each year, the buildup makes it harder to maintain a comfortable home for those still living in it. I’ve moved out, but I still want to support my family in a way that feels fair and compassionate.

With Eid approaching, we hoped to tidy up the house together as a family. However, my dad recently found out about our plans, and I can already sense his distress. I want to approach this with kindness, respect, and patience — without triggering him or going behind his back. At the same time, my mom has recently developed hypertension, and I’m deeply concerned about how the tension affects her well-being.

If you’ve been in a similar situation — whether as someone who struggles with letting go or as a loved one trying to help — I’d love to hear your advice:

• How can we encourage tidying up in a way that feels safe and not forced?
• Are there gentle strategies to help him let go of things without feeling like he’s losing control?
• How can I protect my mom from the emotional toll of this situation?
• Any tender loving care tips for making this process less painful for everyone?

I’d love to hear any wisdom, experiences, or even just words of encouragement. This is tough, but I want to navigate it with love and respect. Thank you so much ❤️