It's been 5 years and he didn't prioritized me during the 6yrs we were together. WHY am I still thinking about him?!

Bear with me here... He was my college boyfriend of 6 years... we did long distance for majority of those years and were madly in love. After coming home from living and working on an island the summer after graduation, I got a "big girl job". I was gaining experience, living at home with my parents and flying to see him every chance I got. He hardly came to see me and really only did when it was convenient for him - mostly when his brother's band was in town. It was always me going to visit him. One time he went to a show a few hours away from his parent's house the night before I flew in and he overslept... his mom ended up grabbing me at the airport. I loved his mom, that's wasn't the issue. I was more concerned with his priorities. Yet again, I was not a priority. The people around me back home told me to stop going to him... the polarity of male vs female in relationships but I didn't listen….. I loved this man dearly and wanted to build with him.

Did I mention I never felt like he prioritized me during the majority of those years and he would always put me down for silly reasons? Yup... that was often. Things I would always scratch my head about and say my future husband would not talk like this to me but l loved him and didn't want to be with anyone else. I would take the verbal abuse and question it later... try and speak up but ultimately put up with it.

The last year of our relationship I saw him twice because I went to see him. Which was already after I gave him an ultimatum (it worked for my cousin & her husband and was recommended to do by many women… shit it get off the pot - this point I was 27yrs old ) and told him I needed a break and have time for myself. He never came for me. The more boundaries I set to form my distance, he didn’t get the hint, became more verbally abusive and never showed up for me. We were on the phone talking before summer officially kicked off in 2020 and he was talking about plans with his family and that he had no other plans in the summer and didn’t say anything about wanting to get together for my birthday. I danced around the subject and was unamused by his response.

Another man walked into my life during that last year and he was showing up in ways I’d want a future husband to show up but was only a friend. I was on a break but I was not ready to date yet and still figuring out if I wanted to be with my ex. The friend and I hung out a lot but nothing serious. He was kinda getting jealous though, this new friend of mine. He slid into my ex’s dms portraying I had been cheating with him and that my ex should leave me alone. My world crumbled in a matter of seconds. I could not believe what had just happened. A bull face lie was told to try and help me when I didn’t ask for help?! It was blowing up in my face and I didn’t get why. So I fell into a whole and cut everyone off.

Fast forward… he married the local girl 3yrs later who sat across from us at this cousin’s wedding a year before we split and they now have a baby.

I feel happy for the new girl and the family. I guess him too? And yet I feel as though he married the wrong woman.

I’ve been in a wonderful relationship these past three years and am treated superbly by my new bf in ways no man has ever treated me before. WHY am I still thinking about my college ex? We don’t follow one another, but the entire family other than his mom does. And yet they were told the story that I cheated. Do they actually maybe see the truth?

Will take any advice to help myself not think about this man who did not deserve me. 31female

CHATGPT EDIT

Bear with me…

He was my college boyfriend for six years. Most of that time, we were long-distance, but we were madly in love. After graduation, I spent the summer working on an island before landing a “big girl job.” I moved back home with my parents, gaining experience and flying to see him every chance I got. He, on the other hand, rarely made the effort to visit me—only when it was convenient, like when his brother’s band was in town.

It was always me making the trips. Once, he went to a concert a few hours from his parents’ house the night before I flew in and overslept—his mom had to pick me up from the airport. I loved his mom, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was his priorities. Time and time again, I wasn’t one of them. My friends and family told me to stop chasing after him, but I didn’t listen. I loved him and wanted to build a life with him.

Looking back, I never truly felt like a priority. He constantly put me down for the smallest things. I remember thinking, My future husband would never talk to me like this. But I loved him. I didn’t want to be with anyone else. So I endured the verbal abuse, questioned it, spoke up here and there—but ultimately, I tolerated it.

During the last year of our relationship, I saw him twice—both times because I made the effort. By then, I had already given him an ultimatum (it worked for my cousin and was widely recommended: shit or get off the pot). I was 27 and told him I needed space. But he never came for me. The more I tried to set boundaries, the more he ignored them, becoming even more verbally abusive.

One day, in early summer 2020, we were on the phone. He talked about plans with his family, mentioned having no other summer plans, and still said nothing about seeing me for my birthday. I danced around the topic, hoping he’d say something, but his indifference was loud and clear.

That same year, another man entered my life—not romantically, just a friend. But he showed up in ways I’d always wished my ex would. I was still figuring things out, not ready to date, still holding onto the possibility of my ex and me working things out. But this friend got jealous.

One day, he slid into my ex’s DMs and told him I had been cheating—that my ex should leave me alone. It was a blatant lie. I never asked for help, yet here he was, trying to “help” me in a way that completely destroyed me. My world crumbled in seconds. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Everything blew up in my face, and I shut down, cutting everyone off.

Fast forward three years—my ex married a local girl. The same one who sat across from us at his cousin’s wedding a year before we split. They now have a baby.

I feel happy for them, truly. I guess I feel happy for him too? And yet, deep down, I can’t shake the feeling that he married the wrong woman.

The irony? I’ve been in a wonderful relationship for the past three years. My boyfriend treats me in ways I’ve never been treated before—with love, respect, and care. And yet… why is my ex still in my head? We don’t follow each other, but his entire family (except his mom) still does. They were told I cheated. Do they see the truth now? Do they know?

If anyone has advice on how to finally let this man go—this man who never deserved me—I’m all ears.

—31F