My mom doesn't want to listen to me about my (F25) new boyfriend (M26) after divorce -- how do I handle this?

When I was in primary school I met a boy and we became best friends. At the end of the school year, he moved away and we lost contact until about four years later when we were in high school. We reconnected and had an instant connection and understood one another on a very deep level and were very close. We ended up dating long distance and eventually, we broke up because we were teenagers and we were unable to visit one another and it was hard to navigate. I always felt like he was my person that I was supposed to be with and thought of him often. We remained friends over the years (talking 1-2x/year) but saw other people and did not cross boundaries and remained faithful to our partners, eventually getting engaged to other people and me getting married.

I hadn’t felt love towards the guy I ended up marrying for a long time, I really shouldn’t have gotten married to begin with. We were together for about 6 years. There were instances of sexual assault, disrespect, emotional and financial abuse, him talking to other girls inappropriately outside of the relationship, constantly making work a priority and putting me second, etc. It led to me feeling very lonely and isolated in our marriage. At one point I told him that I thought I was depressed and he had laughed at me and never checked in with me or asked more. I ultimately realized that I wasn’t happy and never would be and made the decision to leave him. We had been talking about children and I realized that this was not someone that I wanted to raise a family with and I needed to leave.

My family, especially my mom, did not take this news well. My mom was especially upset because she thought she was going to be a grandma soon and is now upset that this is not going to be the case.

I reached out to my old friend on his birthday to wish him a happy birthday, as I always have, and we reconnected shortly after my ex husband and I had separated. I found out that he and his ex had broken up as well, and we started talking and discussed the possibility of maybe us trying things again since we were older now. My ex husband found out that I was talking to this guy shortly after we separated and accused me of cheating and that being why I wanted to leave him. He even pushed this narrative onto my mother and convinced her that this was why I wanted a divorce. My mother has since accused me of cheating on multiple occasions.

I want to make things work with my new boyfriend. Things have been going super well and we are both super happy and looking forward to this chapter of our lives and getting to relearn one another and be together. I have not told my mom that he and I are seeing one another, but she suspects it. Every time that we have started to talk about it, she has accused me of cheating and then quickly changed the subject. She assumes that we are romantic but doesn’t know anything beyond that (including our history from when we were teenagers). My mom has basically told me that if I start a relationship with him, then that automatically means that I am a cheater and that is why I left my ex husband. She’s basically saying that she will not support this new relationship.

I do have health complications that will make having children harder for me. I would ideally like to be done having children by the age of 30, so I do not want to wait a long period of time to move forward with my life post-divorce to see if this new relationship will work, get remarried, have children, etc. I have been separated for over three months now. I have PTO at work that I would like to use soon to go visit my new boyfriend out of state. I do not know how to discuss this with my mother and make it clear to her that I love her and want her support, but I am an adult and do not need her permission and if this is something that I want to do, I can do it. She’s been very immature and hard to talk to, yelling at me and telling me that I “owe” her for what I did to her. I do not want to lose my relationship with my mother, but I also don’t want to feel that I cannot pursue my new relationship due to her feelings surrounding it. I also don’t want to keep my new relationship a secret from my mother but feel like I don’t have a choice in doing so right now.

Also to add, I am currently still living in a house with my ex until he takes over the loan and deed. My plan at the moment is to stay with my parents short term while looking for a house of my own to move into.

Please help!!! How do I talk to my mom about this new relationship while also not ruining my relationship with her and my short term place to stay once I leave my current living arrangements?