I sometimes feel a little bad for her (BM), but on the other hand….

No problem here exactly. More, processing/complaining I guess. I wish I didn’t ever put thought to BM, and sometimes I don’t. But sometimes I do.

Kid is with us right now and today has actually not only succeeded at using his skateboard for the first time without falling off, he’s now consistent about it, and even now picked up a few cool things on it. This is a big milestone for him and he feels like such a big kid!

But when kid wanted to proudly share his big milestone with all the parents and grandparents, I cringed because I know BM will hate it. She will be so jealous that she missed it. And I know from past experience there’s a chance it kicks off a petty “retaliation” of some kind to make up for missing a big moment and feeling out of control.

Even so, I briefly did feel badly for her because she is such a genuinely insecure person which is a miserable life. And if I were this kid’s BM I would be sad to have missed a fair number of things too!

But on the other hand… this is the kid who is a huge people person and wanted all his people to be part of it! This is prioritizing the kid and his needs above adult “feelings”. I want the kid to grow up with an understanding (hopefully) that his important people are important any given day, even when he isn’t physically with them. And to hopefully never know that some of the grown-ups pay a price for simply parenting him and raising him.

I texted BM and stepdad, I texted alllll the various grandmas & grandpas. Showed the kid all the various excited responses and the kid loved it.

She can just deal with it. Like we all have to around here.