Silent treatment-long

DH (55) and I (53) have been married for 26 years with one child together. Child is currently a sophomore in college, which we are paying out of pocket. I'd say 97% of our marriage has been awesome, even during very hard times. The only time I have felt stress in our marriage is when we struggle financially. His trigger is financial struggles due to issues from his childhood. We had a few episodes early in our marriage due to this but they were very short lived and we forged on. DH is an accomplished person professionally and also has military obligations, so is working two jobs. I worked part-time in the social services industry while our son was in school due to DH's extensive travel schedule and long deployments. DH has been free to go and do whatever he needed without worrying about things at home. DH was and is an excellent father as well.

We were fortunate enough to buy a vacation home at our favorite vacation spot 10 years ago at a steal. We remodeled the home and made a huge profit off the house. We bought a bigger vacation home, which has turned into a huge money pit. Like all vacation homes, we have from June to August to make our profit and any other rentals are bonus. We have been working on fixing this house up since 2022. I would estimate we put out $6-8k monthly on all costs between the mortgage, insurance, property taxes, rental agency costs, utilities, etc. With these expenses as well as our child's college expenses that started last year, we started to get buried financially around this time last year.

DH began giving me the silent treatment and making comments about me working full time when the rental money ran out. It was a very unpleasant couple of months and he was very resentful towards me. I was applying everywhere for FT but the jobs I was offered was below my PT salary or not much more. My job didn't have full time positions open at that time. In May, my current job offered me 39 1/2 hours to stay. I have been there 23 years and have over 1300 long term sick leave and over 150 PPL/vacation hours, so wanted to stay if possible. I ran this by DH, who ran the numbers and said this was fine. As soon as the money started coming back in from the beach house and I was working the extra hours, all seemed fine.

I say all seemed fine because he took me on a really nice cruise, and even flew our child into the city we were departing from for a few days prior so we could do family things. He bought me a nice new used car (I had a nice car that was paid off and told him I did not need this but he wanted me to have it), wanted to upgrade our home to a really expensive home (I said no to this, as we already live in a nice large home), and we went back to normal. We reconnected on all levels and this Christmas and New Years were one of my favorites. The awful few months of last year seemed like a bad dream by the end of 2024, and I laughed at myself for thinking we had marital problems.

Add to this that my husband's company was bought out and he now works/lives in the state where our vacation home is located. I am still in our original state due to an agreement we would stay here as long as our child was in college and my living parent was still alive. He was staying in the vacation home but knew he would have to get an apartment this spring once rentals started back up. Initially, I was traveling down every two weeks to see DH since he was been down there. We are used to time apart due to his extensive travel and we know lots of couples who live separately for a few years due to employment.

This year we have had to replace showers/tubs and windows in the vacation home, so not small costs. We had an above average rental season last year, but these repairs ate that up. Around mid-February of this year, once again my old friend the silent treatment started to return as the summer rental money ran out. Not so obvious at first but when I asked if he was ok, he said, "I don't know why you don't have a full time job." I said, "I have been working a half hour short of full time for 9 months and you said it was fine. I didn't know it wasn't because you never said anything. I will look for full time plus a weekend job." I just learned one of our credit cards is at an alarming high, as he was putting most of our child's tuition on it.

On the job front: There is a position at my current employer that is opening and was to be posted weeks ago but got caught up in red tape but should open this week. I also applied for a weekend position at a local hospital. I want to pull my weight, even though I don't make nearly what he does. I am literally begging professional friends for leads on jobs but can't make them happen right away. I am also pursuing a higher licensure that would open more job opportunities.

I tried to come up with solutions in addition to my working two jobs. I reminded him we would clear several hundred thousand dollars if we sold the vacation home and bought something smaller. He didn't want to do this. I took the initiative to have a realtor come to our personal home this week to see what pricepoint it would sell at, since I am living in a large home by myself and could stay with my parent. (I love our home but I love my family more) The houses in our neighborhood rarely go up for sale and are high in demand. We would stand to make more than enough in profit that would pay tuition, debt, and even allow him to buy a small home near work outright and have no mortgage. DH said he hates the idea of doing this because it's like starting over and he thinks it will upset our son to sell his childhood home.

So over the past several weeks, I have gone from talking to DH 1-3 times a day (our norm when he is not home), to once every other day, and now it's maybe once or twice a week. The phone calls began to get fewer when I tried to talk about the financial stuff and told him I don't know anything is wrong if he doesn't tell me. I calmly confronted him about the vacation home and the expenses and whether it was worth it to keep it.

I hate this. I am very sad and lonely. I haven't been to see him in 5 weeks. He came home last week but had to pay our child's tuition while he was here, and ended up in a foul mood, so was not a good visit. He stopped asking when I was coming down and I haven't made plans to go down. I've told him it bothers me when he gives me the silent treatment. This just seemed to give him the idea to give me the silent treatment even more.

It's hard to believe my loving husband turns into this cold, almost uncaring person and he's like a whole other person that I don't know. I am stressed about the status of our marriage. I figured if he wanted a divorce, he would have gone for selling the houses (they are in both our names and we live in a 50/50 state so would have to sell anyways). He makes a lot of financial decisions without checking with me, but I end up being the villain somehow. He complains how other people our age have lots of money, and I pointed out that most people don't own a vacation home that has this much in expense and that we would have lots of extra money if we didn't have it.

I dunno. I am up for any advice on how to handle the silent treatment and try to reopen communication channels. Never thought in 26 years of marriage (30 together total) that I'd worry about my marriage.

Sorry, tried to make as short as possible. Thanks if you were able to hang in there this long.

TLDR: DH gives silent treatment off and on from February-April past two years when money from vacation home rental runs out and tuition is due.