Hugs all. I am through a really rough spot

I don't know who to turn to. They found me a clinic that only has doctors and not nurse practitioners or. Physicians assistants. I learned one benefit of friends who don't bother replying to your messages is you can confess that you keep wishing you were dead and they don't freak out and call the police on you. I told my mom if J don't feel better I want to go to the er. She keeps saying how crowded they are and they won't do anything for me. Sigh