Idk what's wrong with me

So I don't really know what's wrong with me I really want to kms these days like reallllyyy. I have this strong urge to strangle me sometimes but I love my parents more than myself so I always try to keep myself sane and collected. I want to stop these thoughts but I don't have any control over my brain. I've started dreaming about dying and this proves how bad the situation actually is . I've tried this method of keeping myself happy by escaping the reality but it's not working anymore. Can yall suggest me some good methods? Because I really don't want to die even tho killing myself is the only thing I want nowadays.