I made SO leave me and our child alone and go, now I'm hurting

It had to be done. SO kept agreeing to teraphy but never did it. No meds, nothing. It's been hell. Our kid is getting depressed. I had to make him go, I have to keep my child safe and protect them from being exposed to so much emotional hurt.

Told SO one last time it was either teraphy or getting out...he chose to get out and got a room to rent on the same day.

This was yesterday, my kid thins he's at work, I'll make an excuse for his absence until our appointment with my child's psychologist so she can help me understand how to do this.

But, honestly, I feel less on edge because I'm not having to constantly watch what I do and say to avoid making my SO angry, sad or hurt...however I also miss him deeply. Miss his smell, miss hugging him and laughing together. Miss all the things that made us great. But I haven't seen that person in months and I couldn't live with the abusive narcissistic that has taken his place any longer.

Why?? Why did he have to this to us? Why can't he ever see he needs help, that he's hurting and hurting us. Why does he seem to live himself more than our child? How is that even possible?we have a great, sweet, kid who used to treat him like the world's greatest hero and shower him with love. This isn't fair. Fuck this shit. Why did I do this to myself again?? Why did I get back together? Why did I believe the lies? I feel like a broken down, barely held together piece of nothing...