I fucked up. Then I fucked up again. Then I fucked up….again.

It’s been a weird two or three weeks.

My SDP - Standard Drinking Procedure - is to begin at 4:30-5 pm and have 4 or 5 think drinks until I am very buzzed or passed out. I just about always order food, which is horrible for my health and wallet, but I do it anyway. About two weeks ago, the delivery guy comes and texts me that he’s downstairs (I live in an apartment building). I’m livid because I wanted him to come up - so I go downstairs and tear a fucking strip off the guy. WTF? I don’t that - I hate people who do that. Since when am I an angry drunk?

A few days later. I have to work in the evening, but I just can’t stomach going. I hate my job, but I am usually functional enough to do it. Well, the fuck it’s are in high gear. I call in and proceed to get semi-wasted. Once again I do not have the energy to make food. I don’t want to order out after the last debacle - so better go to the bar, right. Away I go. Chicken fingers and fries, 5 IPAs, and a round of shots on me for everyone. Did anyone from work see me? Who knows. I still have the job, at any rate.

A few days later. I’ve been to work as normal. I have the day off the next day. SDP. Back to the same bar. Chicken wings this time. About the same number of beers. Another round of shots for the bar. Who the fuck is this person?

A few days later. There’s a fun day long social event planned. It starts in the morning. I lie about being sick and don’t go.

This past Friday. I am going to my parents’ place for the weekend. I promise myself I won’t drink. Scrap that - I will drink, but I won’t sneak extra drinks. I will sneak extra drinks, but just one. I do manage to hold the line there.

Last night. I did not hold line. I proceed to get plastered while my parents are upstairs. I’m 50 years old, for Christ’s sake.

This morning - quite the hangover I’m nursing. I’ve gotten rid of most of the evidence, but I can’t conceal the mostly empty bottle. I’m going to slink away this afternoon before it’s noticed so there’s no confrontation.

Who the fuck am I?