AITA for wanting to have sex with my girlfriend?

I apologize bc english is not my first language but i wanted to post here anyway bc is the subreddit with the most members where I can post this. So me (26 M) and my girlfriend (28 f) are together for over 5 years now. We met in college since we both studied the same thing, and I instantly had a crush on her, but was always shy to try to talk to her or ask her out. Eventually we started talking and we got closer, became friends and with little time I asked her to be my gf and she accepted. I was overjoyed bc she is the most gorgeous, intelligent, caring and funny person I have ever met, and I am so in love with her. We started dating and soon after the pandemic hit and we had to live separately for the whole duration, and we still live in different cities nowadays bc any of us cannot afford moving out of our parents home. Both of us still wanna pursue a masters and a PHD and these are our objectives for now.

When we started dating, even before we made things official between us, I went to her house and she told me that she was not prepared to be intimate yet. She told me that she recently had a terrible "relationship" with a guy and he unfortunately abused her intimately, and bc of that she was not ready to have any kind of intimate relation. She made it clear that it was not about me, that she simply had not gotten over the things that happened to her and I respected it. We talked a lot and I told her that I would wait her heal from everything and I was glad that she told me sooner so we could set this boundary. Eventually, we tried to have some kind of intimate moment and she always cried a lot and I always made sure that everything was okay and I was not mad at her or sad in anyway. Eventually we started making progress, and I was so happy for us but specially for her, bc it meaned that in a way she was in the process of healing the wounds she had.

Going more into the relationship, things in this matter got a lot quieter, if I can put that way. I tried to initiate things and she rejected me and that was okay. I thought that even if she rejected me, it was progress bc she was not feeling like crying anymore, she was not just in the mood and she was comfortable enough with me to reject me and not feel sad. This was when we had like 2 and a half years together or so. Its important to say again that we see each other just sometime during a month, like once or twice a month bc we live in different cities. And this kept going and when we reached the 3 years mark, i started to feel bad about this. I felt bad being rejected over an over, but I always tried to be respecful and to understand her. Eventually it got to a point that I decided to talk to her about it. I said to her that I was having difficulties to be tender and to touch her, to kiss her, bc I was always afraid to feel rejected and I started to supress the sexual feelings I had for her bc I was afraid I would trigger something bad on her and bc all that I was not being able to be affectionate towards her. She apologized bc she knew that this was something that bothered me bc we had talked about this in other occasions, just not that a deep of a conversation. She told me that she had trouble with pleasing herself also, that she simply does not feel like it in anyform, even with masturbation. She also said that she is afraid of bringing traumas back to her life and of not being able to fulfill my expectations regarding affection and sex bc of that. We cried a lot, exchanged apologies and she concluded saying that she was going to try to go to therapy to help her heal. Its also important to say that she suffers from anxiety and takes medication to help her with this.

All this talk was in the summer of last year and since then we have not mentioned this topic anymore and things stay the same. I tried to initiate something but like always, she rejects me. She doesnt even say anything, she just goes to sleep and we move on. I always think about bringing this topic again to talk to her but im afraid that Im going to bother her with something that we have already discussed and is a sensitive topic for both us. Its important to say that we have a perfect relationship in every other aspect. Of course we argue sometimes, but we have a lot of fun together, we enjoy the same things, we have the same sense of humour and I still love her the same way. But I would be lying if I said that this is not affecting me. I got to the point that I am supressing my own desires, I avoid looking at her, touching her in a more intimate way bc I im trying not to think of her in that way anymore just to avoid this whole situation.

I feel bad already bc deep down i feel like a total asshole, I feel that in a way Im rushing her healing process and I should not do it, bc I know people have different ways of dealing with trauma and there is no expiring time for it as well, but at the same time I feel that I have the right to want to have be intimate with her, bc she is my girlfriend. I feel that our intimacy just not have the same weight for me that it has for her. Of course I value the other aspects of our relationship, our companionship, the time we spend together, but this is starting to take a toll on me.

So, AITA?