my girlfriend and i lost our besties

Hey everyone! i've just been having a hard time recently about a loss of friendship in my life and had been looking for a place to share, so it's really wonderful that a space like this exists.

My gf (25F) and I (26F) had these two friends who we LOVED. the four of us had one of those connections where you meet and immediately know you're going to be besties. In total the friendship was probably only like nine months, but the four of us had started a queer collective in our city together, went on a week long trip to another state, and hung out constantly. One of them was actually the only other person my gf invited to her birthday breakfast besides me like we were all kind of in beautiful friendship love hehe.

The friendship between all four of us also had like a really intense homoerotic tension as well though. And I think we all didn't really know what was happening with that, but as the friendship got closer the tension got more intense as well. It all culminated in the four of us making out with each other at a club for, like, hours, and they both came back to my girlfriend and i's apartment where we all four slept together in the same bed.

After this, I felt like we should all maybe take a second to debrief what had happened (especially because one of them had a long term boyfriend) since none of us had done anything like that before.

well to make a long story short, both of our friends were actually a lot more emotionally repressed than my gf and I had originally thought, and post after the club + sleepover, they started acting differently towards us and refused to talk about things. Eventually the relationship started to deteriorate and also coincided with me having a pretty bad months long mental health episode.

Things got messier and messier all while we were still trying to run our collective, and essentially our friends just started acting less and less like the people we used to know. My gf and I thought it would be best to quit the collective and one of them said some pretty nasty things when we did, while the other had been avoiding the group chat for weeks and to this day she's never said a thing about it.

This all happened back in september, but man it just sucks. they both just became so incredibly cold and mean to us for the last few months of the relationship and it just feels so crazy because we all loved each other so much. As my gf and i keep talking about it, I feel like i want to reach out and apologize for the part i played in it, i feel like my mental health episode caused me to act in ways that wrecked the friendship, and it was my idea to want to talk about what happened at the club. They both are really avoidant, so maybe I shouldn't have asked them to do that. My gf has told me it's probably not going to do any good considering how avoidant the two of them are, plus we had seen examples from both of them of how easy it is for them to discard people.

I don't know, it's all pretty complicated. My gf doesn't get close with people very often, but she really loved both of them, and we both are just grieving the loss of them so much that we even made a collaborative friendship breakup playlist with each other lol. I keep finding myself listening to all of their favorite music or looking at pictures of them. It was so fast and intense and then absolutely cold and distant that it's hard to make sense of it. I think my gf and I miss them desperately but most likely they don't miss us.

Also, it's just the classic rose colored glasses hindsight moment happening. In truth, they each had some classic mean girl qualities and had said things/done things that really rubbed me the wrong way during the friendship. But of course, now that it's been lost, my brain only wants to rerun all the most beautiful memories to me lmao, i'm sure many of you can relate, it's torture!!!

Thanks to anyone who read all this, any advice or general comments are def welcome, this shit SUCKS

TLDR: my gf and I had a really fast + intense formation of a friend group that died just as quickly and it's really confusing.