Source
r/AsianParentStories•
vsbom

My parents understood that being strict and controlling was a poor way to raise a kid

It seems that many Asian parents try to raise their children the only way that they know how - in the strict, results driven, all work no play manner that they grew up in. As a result, we get the stories on this subreddit.

But I realize now, post college and living/working on my own, that my parents were amazing parents to me, who went out of their comfort zone to give me the best childhood they could imagine. And I just wanted to share with you all, to show an example that some Asian parents are great parents.

They encouraged me to be active and play sports, and even when I told them I decided on a physically challenging and borderline dangerous high school sport, they told me to go ahead. They even went to my competitions. When my grades dipped a little because of practices, they didn't ask me to quit, they knew how important it was to me.

My dad specifically pushed me to learn more. But rather than just tell me to study, he would sit with me and we would do puzzles and math challenges together. He may have been a little eager though - for example, my 11 year old self refused to believe in radians. I credit him for my degree in a tech field, because his efforts made me love math and problem solving, not hate it.

Mom encouraged me to play music and do art, though I wasn't much of an artist, haha. I liked music though. I also really liked video games, which she didn't encourage, but didn't prevent me from playing either.

And they both knew how important friends were. As long as I finished my work, I could go to my friend's house to play Timesplitters 2 all night, or later on to just "hang". They loved all my friends (though they would specifically ask me about the smart girls in my class...). I had plenty of non-Asian friends, such that I really felt that being Asian was no big deal.

And if that's what my parents wanted, for me to feel like I belong, they did a damn good job. They may not have known how i would turn out, but they knew that if they loved me, trusted me and supported me, i couldn't turn out that bad, right? I owe them so much, and I'm very proud to be their son.

Posted Aug 5, 2013, 1:37 AM UTC · edited

6714
BlackieChanAsian Kid•

My mum (Malaysian chinese) is like that. She was always so supportive and let us do the stuff my dad didn't let us do. She sounds like your parents - just wanting their child to be happy (and successful, but happy first) and realising that it's not always good to push them too far.

Then again, she also married a black man so I don't think she's a typical asian parent.

37
BunnyTutu•

I read your comment, then saw the username. Upvote for the chuckle.

Edit: typo

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Namesreal•

Sorry teacher. Its then* not them.

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BunnyTutu•

Ahh, thanks. iPad typing + stubby fingers.

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elvears•

She sounds like your parents - just wanting their child to be happy (and successful, but happy first) and realising that it's not always good to push them too far.

sounds like my mom :) She has traditional family values, but she doesn't strictly impose them on her kids. She definitely has preferences and isn't afraid to say what she hopes and wishes we do, but they're not be-all-end-all because she knows I have a life. She wants to be friends and for me to be happy above all else. She's understanding. She's freaking smart in that way. I actually feel unconditional love from my mother and it's amazing. I love the shit out of her.

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Corpulu•

Are your parents first generation? Because the stereotypical Asian parents are usually immigrants.

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vsbomOP•

Yep, both are from Taiwan. They came to the US for grad school.

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DaIslands•

Yes, I've found that makes a big difference. Academic Asian immigrants tend to be more aware because of an influence from coworkers.

I think most Asian-American immigrants have the small business owner mentality and consequently we end up being a branch of the business - the investment branch. We end up being pieces of stock to which value increases and decreases depending on things like grades/hrs of violin time/ hrs of video game time/ college acceptance letters.

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burdalaneAsian Kid•

Interesting observation about academic Asian immigrants.

My dad came to the US for grad school in a science, got a PhD, and worked in academia for a while, but since I was born, he's worked for himself in isolation. My mother graduated from college in Taiwan and worked there, but has not had much of a career since coming to the US to marry my dad. My dad would sit with me and work through hard math and science problems, which was good, but my upbringing was definitely influenced by misunderstanding and paranoia about American culture based on belief in sensationalist stereotypes. Of course, my dad believes that he's correct because of his background in science, even though he cannot come up with better justifications than input from one person, rumors, movies, or, "Everyone knows it!"

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MintyLotus•

Sounds like my parents. Exactly like them, haha.

Who are really okay and rad in some ways, but pretty bad in others.

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andriukasAsian Kid•

When I was 7, I had made the track team running 100m, 4x100m relay and the mile (it was probably the first thing I was good at, that didn't have anything to do with grades, as far as i can remember). I went to a few events before my mother realized that it was pretty much the entire school day at a track event. I was in the 99th percentile so my grades were excellent. My mother came to the school and demanded I was taken off the team because studying was more important. I am an only child and was left to myself most of the time, with my grandmother's supervision. I didn't have any toys or games to play with so having the first thing that I felt good about taken away from me hurt very much. My girlfriend (white) grew up the exact opposite, her mother always let her run free, do whatever she wanted, and I think she's a much more well adjusted person than I am, and because of that I feel much closer to her mother than I do my own.

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MALNOURISHED_DOG•

Dude, exact same thing happened to me, except I was in high school. I too was left alone most of the time. There are other similar examples.

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seansterfu•

Dude, you're parents were pretty much like mine, except my dad didn't really go out of his way to help us. He wanted us more to come to him to ask for help. Too bad I didn't really take advantage of the gold-mine of science and math because I had this stupid irrational fear of dissapointing him. Buuuut that's getting too deep into it and another seperate and more complicated issue. Basically, my parents are pretty awesome too.

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thelastnewredditor•

stories like this just makes me bitter. what did i do to not have parents like that?

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