Husband thinks I’m the reason our daughter keeps biting

Throwaway account.

Sorry this is so long. I’m looking for some feedback on whether I was wrong/owe my husband an apology.

My 4YO has started biting when angry. She does it well into a meltdown. She only started doing this every so often about 6 mo ago and her ped says she may be going through a developmental phase. We sternly correct her in the moment (“we never bite anyone because biting hurts”) and 90% of the time she apologizes after she has calmed down. When she does it to me, I sternly correct and offer hugs because, IMO, once she is corrected she realizes what she’s done and feels bad (I’m guessing this is the case because the screaming tantrum suddenly turns into full on sobbing). My husband responds by correcting and then walking away during the ensuing sobbing. She’ll run to me for hugs. When she calms down, I reiterate the “no biting” thing and ask if she’s ready to apologize. She doesn’t always say yes right away, so I try to describe the order of events. At that point she’ll usually be ready to apologize.

Tonight was the worst it’s been. She melted down because we told her to put away her dolls for bedtime. I’m talking running, kicking, and screaming. Husband picks her up and she bites him. He yelps, corrects her, and puts on her PJ’s. She’s still melting down ; once he is done, she runs to her water bottle and spits water onto the ground. Husband is maaaad and grabs her from behind and puts a hand over her mouth, telling her that we don’t spit on the floor. She bites him again, he later says that she bit him so hard that he had to pry her mouth open, which caused her to bite him a third time.

He starts yelling at her, saying she is “being very bad” and that he won’t tolerate the behavior she showed tonight. He’s yelling, no longer just being stern. She’s sobbing on the ground at this point. He starts saying something about her needing to face consequences, at which point I cut in and recommended he take a break and to let me put her to bed. She crawls over to me and husband starts accusing me of coddling her instead of letting her learn consequences. He leaves, I calm her down, she says she’s ready to apologize, but husband just lays in bed looking at his phone and repeatedly asking “what are you sorry for?” while she’s leaning on him and trying to cuddle. He says he doesn’t think she means her apology, which makes her cry and run to me. Husband once again accuses me coddling her.

While I’m putting her to bed he texts me why he’s so angry:

1. I comforted her instead of first checking on him to see if he was okay, meaning I didn’t prioritize his wellness first
2. I “showed her that he didn’t matter” because I didn’t check on him first
3. Comforting her when she gets called out for biting isn’t helping her learn that biting is wrong

He ended his text by saying I allowed her to bite him 3x in one evening and that I owe him a serious apology. I hate that she bites and absolutely want to squash it, but in that moment I hug her because I believe that connection and reassurance that I’m there with her, help calm her down/get her back to being in the moment.