I (16M) have a lesbian/bisexual girlfriend (15F)

I've been in a relationship with this girl for 7 months now. She's my first girlfriend ever. We’re in the same class at school, and she's been very loving and caring (though maybe not as much as I have). She had been in relationships with other two boys before, but she was still a virgin when we got together. She seems to love me and to enjoy our sex life. Though she is into girls.

One night, a little over a month ago, I woke up in the middle of the night (the only time I ever fell asleep before her) to her telling me that she didn't love me anymore, that she was confused, and wanted to break up. I stayed calm, didn’t get mad, and we also talked in person the next day. We decided to stay friends. There was no argument, but I still didn’t understand why she left me, and it completely destroyed me.

Two days later, she sent me a message explaining that she had been in a secret relationship with a girl for three months. That girl had broken up with her less than a month before we started talking, so she hadn’t fully moved on (even though she swore she’d never be with her again). Two weeks before she broke up with me, they had been talking online and even met up as friends. This confused her. I don’t know if it’s normal to hang out with your ex behind your boyfriend’s back — she swore they only talked.

When I got that message, I almost felt relieved because she finally gave me a reason for breaking up. But I also felt like I might never trust anyone again. She admitted that she had been pretending to love me — at least during the last week of our relationship. I wasn’t shocked that she’s into girls, but I did feel deeply betrayed by all the things she kept from me. I should be mad at her, but I love her too much to even tell her what’s bothering me. And despite everything, I still feel like she’s the only girl I want to be with.

I’m the only person who knows about her sexuality, and that makes me feel important to her. But during the relationship, I often felt like she didn’t care enough about me. We talked a lot after the breakup, and I never made her feel bad about the situation. We even kissed again, but agreed to just be best friends — and this whole “lovey-dovey” situation was killing me inside.

Then, on my birthday, she invited me to her house to give me a present she made herself. It was the best gift I’ve ever received. After that, we got back together. Even though she never really apologized, I felt like she still wanted to be with me. Since then (about a month ago), she’s been more loving and caring than ever, and I’m genuinely happy about how things are going right now.

But deep down, I still feel like I could be replaced by anyone at any moment. She’s still in contact with that girl — they like each other’s private Instagram stories, and I think they send each other TikToks, maybe even messages. It really bothers me. I worry she might like her — and other girls and guys too — even though she says I’m the only boy she’s attracted to. I have access to her phone and feel like she has nothing to hide, so I choose not to check her chats or DMs. But still, there’s a part of me that’s scared she’s playing with me or using me.

Right now, I feel mentally unstable. I break down over small things, I cry often, sometimes I can't sleep or I can't get up, I fell like I can’t speak, I don’t eat, and it’s been over a month since I’ve gone to the gym. I feel unmotivated, like I’m living a lie that could end in this very moment. I’m failing most of my classes too. But I believe these are things I have to overcome by myself — I don’t want to make her feel guilty or start arguments.

When she’s mean or cold, I feel completely alone. I’m addicted to her. However I want the best for her, so I keep suffering in silence, because I’m scared that being too jealous would ruin everything we’ve built so far and I just want her to be happy and feel safe with me. I haven’t talked to anyone about this, but writing it down has helped me think more clearly. Still, I’m asking you for some advice that could help. I’m sorry if it’s hard to understand — I’m not a native speaker and currently I’m really confused about everything.

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**TL;DR;** : This is a post where I tell my experience with my bisexual girlfriend in seek of advice to make me feel more confident as she could leave me whenever she wants