Parched or poisoned?

[Redacted],

I saw your ex. What a beautiful human being.

And in that moment, it was painfully clear that I am far from that. I'm simple. Plain. Common.

Not to say that I'm not sometimes great in my own right, I have my moments, but I can't compare at all to that. Even on my best day

I'm now more sure than ever that, to you, I was just another one. A warm body. Someone to pass the time with. To curb the loneliness beside. I can't imagine you ever felt truly attracted to me with how different I am from your ex. I could never be enough. Would never feel enough.

Why did you have to come into my life? Why couldn't you just let the silence remain? Why did you have to speak and give me hope? Why did you have to reach out to touch me, to hold me, let me hold you?

I think I know the answer, though. Your ego, need for attention, need to feel desired. I admit was easy prey.

I will mourn this evening, the fantasies I held of us together. Of the memories that will be bittersweet at best.

Because while I knew I stood no chance already based on how you spoke of your ex, I can't even pretend now that you'd ever want to be with me. That it was all my imagination. I don't know how I'll be able to face you again. Things can never be the same.

Knowing this, I feel so alone. Like I'll be without a partner forever. Without someone who loves me for me, good and bad. Not because I'm a placeholder or second place, but because someone truly values who I am, inside and out. I want to be enough.

And I realized that I'm dying of thirst. There's you, the deceptive salt water, that will only make the thirst worse to my eventual demise. And there's the poison, that will quench my thirst for a blissful moment before it ends me.

Do I choose one of them, or remain parched until I'm gone? Knowing there's a very high chance that I'll never find that clean, clear water I've been aching for?

Should I stay parched, or be poisoned?