how to properly talk with someone who's a DA about emotions/feelings/responsabilities?

I hope I made myself clear with the title! For more context: There's this someone (26M) in my life I (23F) truly care about, but talking about anything responsability related is like a >huge< trigger for them, which leads us to only talk about these things when they aren't sober (they could be high, or drunk, or anything, but almost never sober) and anxiety always creeps in.

I know I ain't the best, sometimes being rude, sometimes talking too much to fill the void, but I wanna hear them, maybe make them see things how they are, show people (outside of myself) are tired of this bullshit, but without sounding angry or too much confrotational.

Is there any way I can do this? I love them very dearly, they know about the struggles they make people go through with this behavior; I just wanna try talking one last time, make a difference if that's even an option