Day 18: Need motivation: Trying to reclaim my gym routine during PAWS

Hey everyone,

Tomorrow will be day 18 since my last dose, and I know I have to push myself to get back to the gym. It helped me so much in the past, both physically and mentally, and I really miss that lifestyle. But because of my heavy O-DSMT addiction, I haven’t been training properly in about 1.5 years. I feel like I’ve lost around 75% of my gains, and honestly, that’s been hitting me hard emotionally. My friends and parents always called me lazy and someone who quits everything after a couple weeks, that was the first time I could show everyone that I‘m more than an indolent junkie.

Before this whole thing, I looked great. I was training 4–5 times a week for about 2.5 years and was super committed. Now I just feel full of guilt, like I threw all that time and effort away. I know that’s not a helpful mindset, but it’s hard to shake.

The worst part is: I still don’t feel physically fit. But deep down, I know that feeling will pass once I start moving and get through the first set. The problem is actually getting there. PAWS has been making it incredibly difficult to do anything after work. I keep telling myself I’ll go “tomorrow”… but that’s been going on for days now.

So I guess I’m just reaching out for some motivation - or maybe tips on how to push through this phase. I know the gym will help with my recovery, but it still feels like such a mountain to climb.

Thanks in advance for your words. Any support means a lot right now.