lesbian heartbreak

going through my first lesbian heartbreak and i actually feel like death.

me and my gf broke up on quite good terms, we live in the same building so she wants to stay friends and idk what’s best for me as i have never done this before. i love her sm but i think it’s going to pain me and bring me back to square one every time i see her. it was probably for the best we split but it happened so suddenly yesterday and she just kinda snapped. i knew it was coming as we both agreed our future plans don’t align but it still hurts. i truly felt and saw myself with her for a lot longer as i don’t plan on moving country at all it’s just an aspiration (i leave to work in america for a few months during the summer but that was it). i haven’t been totally happy in the relationship as my needs weren’t really met but i still didn’t want it to end. it’s only day one and i have felt so sad all day, me and my friend went to the beach after class and it really helped cheer me up for a few hours. but now that im alone again and have no way of distracting myself i am back to crying my eyes out to the point of vomiting lol. i am in my final year of uni and for the next month i basically have an assignment due every week. i’m so close to getting my degree and now i don’t think i will be able to. i actually can’t do this. i’m gonna miss her sm. my room in my flat reminds me of her everywhere i look. i love my room and now i can’t bare being in it. i also feel like space and no contact is best for me and she doesn’t and wants to keep in touch and be friends. it’s so difficult because i know i should be selfish and take my space but i still care and want her to be okay too. i just want a hug from somebody all my family are away and even the thought of going to an empty house makes me feel sad but i just want out of my stupid room in uni halls. my flatmate keeps hearing me cry and have panic attacks in my room and asking if im alright and it’s just like leave me be and pretend you didn’t hear me lmao?? anyways. i have not felt this much pain in my heart since i was in high school and i never want to be in a relationship ever again if this is what i have to go through everytime. that’s it.