Clash of parenting styles

Hi folks,

Wife wants to talk about our parenting styles and basically how I make our kid whiny.

Her perspective is that after our 3yo spends time with me, he's more whiny to her.

My perspective is more that it's a phase, he's whiny with me at times too, and that she lacks patience and to some extent he's reflecting her own erratic behaviour (mood swings, frustrations).

That said, I'm certainly open to being part of the cause of any issues. The main thrust of her idea is I do too much for him and that makes him whiny with her. I'm more casual for sure. I have more patience and let him mosey about while she is more of a drill sergeant to get a task done. I always speak positively of her and endorse her commands.

I kinda don't think she's a great fisherman, if you know what I mean... like if the goal is to get him to put away his plate, she orders it, whereas I'm more patient and will slowly work with him to get him there.

Our relationship ain't great and we have couples counselling coming up so that's nice. Long history of her anger toward me so that's why in part I see her current issue about whining to be a continuation of her problems with me. But I'm no perfect parent so I'm sure there could be an element of truth.

Just wondering if yall have navigated this in your experiences and have any thoughts.