Existential crisis as a muslim

I do not want to be ignored as much as I do not want any conflict, I fyou are not a muslim and won;t help out please ignore this. This post is only about the hijab, I need a guide to my thoughts as they are not the best right now/

I wanted to focus on my struggle to committing to the hijab, I don't see myself continuing to wear it in the next 10 years or so- My mother is my biggest hater, my entire family is unhappy with her and now she discriminates how I wear the hijab, I wear it in a way where it wraps around half my torso is cover and the rest falls to my back as I like it to flow and then Ill know my hair won't show if it comes out. she hated this, I want to accept myself wearing the hijab and I tried about many styles to make me feel good, I don't know how other girls wear it so good. At no point was my mother ever supportive, making comments about my appearance when she forced me to wear the hijab. I have to prepare hearing her lecture me saying how other girls are better and god will never saty by side of i dont wear the hijab the way she tells me too, looking at the cloth feels like hell and even with so much effort to beat her criteria never did I win. She would spent many efforts to get me to cry-at first i never understood where was she was going with that, but then when she succeeded I knew. Somebody like my dad would approach and she would say that I don't want to wear the hijab when I would wear it without demand, she will say horrible things to me for being so extra with it. the way she wears the hijab is tying around her neck or wearing a beanie just for her hair.

This morning she ripped off the scarf off my head with such passion and screamed acting as if I was the one ruining her. This time I was done, I did not understand who she wanted me to wear it because whenever she puts it on me, I look terrible and it would be wrapped terribly enough to fall off and she would make sure everyone sees my chest and suffocates me wth it. the reason why she makes it so immodest is so she can tell people its on purpose and i trying to show my body, I know this because before I knew her plan she would say this everyone that told me my hijab is falling apart.

If im not wearing the hijab correctly i wont wear it at all. I take it she wants me to leave so I'll just that I dont care that she talks bad out me to my family member and does all this so she can say these with it being a lie, Im done and I feel like a fool letting her ruin my hijab when I am confident in how I wear it. she did this one other time at a party in front of everyone saying its wrong just because one end was bigger than another,