What's the most Bizarre realization..... about your childhood, that occurred to you....... Years later?...Stories?

Some abusive, negligent narrative that just seemed normal at the time. Like the idea that my mother sold that I should be raising myself, and just shrugging my shoulders and being like "Oh!...okay, sorry, I didn't know that". ....I'm 10.

Never realizing Coke and twizzlers for breakfast might not be the best choice. Eating a can of sardines for a snack because there was literally nothing else. It reminds me of Snoopy Thanksgiving of Toast, Jelly beans, and popcorn. Because they're children.

I was going over the same memory I've had before, ....what every morning was like.....and how hard I struggled. No alarm clock, no idea where your clothes are, if you even have clothes, no breakfast or lunch "plan". I think my stepfather poked his head in for 5 seconds and grunted "get up". Then suddenly heard the bus on the other side of the neighborhood coming my way, realizing in that moment as the panic and shame washed over me.....that I would miss it....again... Until.... finally it occurred to be I needed to be .......ready. Like the concept of planning, and "ready", meant nothing to me. No conception of a "plan" , "time" to do things. Just panic and throwing shit together at the last minute. Because this abdicating her parental rights on a whim, was not a plan. ...and somehow magically children will know what to do is either remorselessly negligent, delusional, or stupid. ...probably all three.

Picture it, it's you , you have a child, you tell them "Okay from now on you'll be raising yourself, but I"m going to show you". This is how you do laundry, this is how you pack a lunch, get your clothes ready, set an alarm, bathe. That would be normal right? Not, " you'll figure it out, stop bothering me"

BUT,....what NEVER occurred to me, ........through all of that,....was......my mother was home. It went like this, "wow that was so crazy, I was always late for the bus, ....' then ..."wait?.....where was my mother?....omg......she was home?!"....she was Home!? " ....She WAS HOME!?"

Whenever I thought about that memory, how I was never ready, fucking up, late, no shower, forget brushing your teeth,,.......not once did I think about my mother in any of that. . Just me and what a fuck up I was. I ask you, how is it possible that , that never crossed my mind? That I never thought of poking my head in and saying, "I can't find any pants?" If I had to guess I think it was that I assumed that I shouldnt. LIke Just pretend I'm not here, okay. Just live like you have no mother, . OKay, Got it! So my brain went, "okay, she's not available, I'm on my own, do NOT bother her, for any reason,. She wasnt' subtle about those conversations we had, about learning not to bother her, .....ever. Which means I had no one to go to for anything. And that was sooo Normal at the time. . but so00000 wrong. In my head I thought 'Oh, right, I forgot , sorry, I'll remember next time not to ask for any help".