It must be me... Please tell me it's not just me :)

(Several flairs fit but I chose support due to my mood--apologies if it needs changing)

Hey ladies.

I am about five solid months in to my Reddit journey, such as it is; I wanted to find a lifestyle-esque partner* who matched my kinks, was promptly banned from several BDSM and personals sites for mentioning tributes (which are one of my kinks--I'm flexible on what that might mean, but finances do factor) and have given up and begun pursuing explicitly transactional sessions... Which has led to some very meaningful and interesting connections. I wanted to ask, though, for others who are hybrids like myself or have experience in either realm--ProDomme or Lifestyle--if my general feeling about the approaches I get here on Reddit is common:

If a submissive is looking for a 'real' Domme (read: one who will pay for *them* to meet, have dinner, will pay for *their* gear, for gifts, who will lead them through sessions here on Reddit, who will do dick ratings and receive explicit photographs and chat *literally* 24 hours a day about the subjects of their choosing, including deeply emotional or therapeutic support), they will say 'lifestyle' and actually mean 'free kink dispenser/therapist.' Is this just me? And:

If a submissive is looking for a 'real' Domme (read: a session with an experienced Dominatrix that focuses on a fetish or kink of the submissive's and, in my case, the Domme's;** an understanding of financial compensation due to the fact that 99% of all meaningful service submission is impossible online; a finite and friendly exchange regarding said session, including age verification/exploring kinks/chatting that lasts as long as they both deem necessary to discover compatibility and matching interests), they will say 'I'm not in to findom' while proceeding to tribute a reasonable amount and conducting a completely D/s session, which is oftentimes the beginning of an enjoyable and reciprocal friendship.

Am I losing my mind? That's all I really wanna know loll

There are exceptions, of course--I talk to several of them regularly. But perhaps 70-90% of my interactions with submissive men on Reddit go this way; I'm at the point of posting on findomme subs even though findomme is not my real kink because I know I'm more likely to meet compatible subs that way. What is going on? And could somebody tell me, since I am clearly not one, what is a 'real Domme?'

*I have a committed and much loved submissive live-in partner, was seeking a second submissive partner. I consider myself kind of a hybrid between ProDomme and lifestyle which apparently means I am unwelcome everywhere.

**I don't do sessions I'm not into. I am not a survival SW, I'm a kinky Domme, so I turn down many more personal interactions than I engage in.