Should I rekindle my friendship with my ex/ex-bestfriend?

This will be kind of a long story — we started being friends right before quarantine, meaning when quarantine started, we would text constantly. At school, he was kind of in that “weird kids” group (he wasn’t weird to me, just that’s what the “popular kids” kinda labeled them as, yk how it is), and I was a weird kid at heart so, we both got along very easily. Let’s call him Fish, idk. To shows, to video games, to YouTubers, etc. etc. we had a lot in common, and we had A LOT of mutual friends (them all being childhood friends). During 2020, he did confess to me, which I rejected him and friend-zoned him, but he respected that and said he hopes it doesn’t ruin our friendship, and we were still best friends. Years past, we’re still close and my junior prom comes around and I usually don’t date around, I’ve tried dating but I had a lot of friends, tight-knit family, etc. Dating just didn’t interest me that much, although I would love having crushes just never would pursue them and if I was pursued/confessed to, I would kind of be a little cautious and reject them. I wouldn’t tell him about my love life like that because I would only tell one of my friends about my crushes or if someone had confessed to me etc. because I always felt kind of weird talking about it considering I never was invested in getting into a relationship, it would always be “why didn’t you give him a chance?” “he’s perfect, why would you reject him?” etc. She was the only person who didn’t question me like that. But well, prom comes around and obviously we’d on the topic and a senior I was friends with had asked me to prom, which I said yes to, I was interested in him. Fish and I don’t go to the same high school, so he asks me if I’m going to my school’s prom, I had no reason to lie so I said yes, I was going with the other guy. I didn’t think much about telling him this because as much as a lot of people might say “he was still into you” — he didn’t show any signs of this, we would both talk about celebrity crushes, he would talk about girls at his school he was interested in. Maybe this was one of the few times I seemed like I was giving a guy a chance, but he started acting super weird after I told him. After prom, it felt like an interrogation— “did you guys kiss?” “so are you guys like dating now?” etc. In the end, he confessed to me again, which I rejected him saying I felt really bad but as he could see, I was already pursuing something with someone else. I felt super bad this time, considering we now were friends for a long time, I asked if he needed space or if he was even okay being just friends, which again, he said he respected my decision and was okay with being friends. Again, a year passes, and we had gotten a lot closer. He talks a lot about being interested in this girl in our friend group, they would hang out at midnight and he would always send me a pictures of her, except she had a boyfriend, I found it weird but this boyfriend was the same guy who had actually SA’d one of my friends, so I didn’t really care if his girl was getting stolen by Fish. Well, time goes by, nothing happens between them, me and Fish are still friends. Blah, blah, months go by, we got a lot closer, he confessed again saying he got over me, but getting closer again made his feelings arise again— I decided, what could be so bad? We went on dates, and lo and behold, I finally reciprocated those feelings back. And as expected, after being friends for 5 years, the relationship was amazing. We knew everything about each other, our trust was strong and mutual, we had the same interests, mutual friends, etc. I was really happy because I had such a hard time putting trust in guys, but Fish was one of the guys I felt like I knew like the back of my hand, in my heart I knew he could never hurt me. Well, one night, he texts me at 4am, saying he was eating and at home. I don’t know what it was but something in my gut told me he was lying. Later that day, we go out with our mutual friends, we had just started dating and we hadn’t told anyone yet kind of holding at as a surprised because we thought it’d be funny to see them shocked. Well, we go out to eat, and we’re both at different booths, he’s with his more closer guy friends in the friend group, I’m sitting with others. I overheard their conversation, Fish says why they didn’t invite him to play on a video game, and one of them replies and I quote — “You couldn’t get on last night because your btch a** was at (the girl he used to like in the friend group)’s house.” And then proceed how he sent voice messages to them from her house. At that moment, I had pretended not to hear what they said, and on the way back, I stayed silent. He kept asking what was wrong, but I think he knew I must’ve overheard, I said nothing was wrong. In all honesty, I thought a lot about what I was going to do with that information before he texted me, admitting that he was at her house, but they were just goofing around, they’ve never done anything but good off, all he could think about was me, saying her boyfriend doesn’t let her hang out with him and his mutual friends anymore, that it was his last time hanging out with her, just this whole ordeal. Stupidly, and I don’t know why, I think it was because I had so much trust in him after being best friends with him for 5 years, I accepted his apology him like the snap of a finger, I believed him when he said he didn’t have feelings for her. He told me I could set boundaries but I didn’t want to seem controlling (my fault completely). Well, as the relationship progressed, this lie kept crawling in the back of my head, I kept looking back at old conversations, and found out he had copied songs from a Spotify playlist they use to have into ours. Spotify playlists don’t seem like a big deal but singing in the car was one of our “things”, and seeing that the songs they would use when they would hangout were just recycled into ours, I think it just resurfaced everything I felt before. We broke up, and we both agreed to give each other space. During this space, it was one of the first times we didn’t speak for a long time — keep in mind, we would text everyday, tell each other everything, every little detail about our day. During this week apart, I felt so alone despite having so many friends and that knit pick family and not caring about relationships, he was an important person in my life and I couldn’t help but feel like there was a piece of me missing. Coincidentally, the girl and her boyfriend broke up at the same time, they didn’t plan it as he told me she broke up with him, and we were both kind of happy because we both hated the guy. I followed this girl on social media, and to no one’s surprise, she began posting Fish non-stop, they would hang out constantly, and their playlist had been recovered on Spotify. This hurt me so bad. After everything he said to— “you’re the only girl I’ll ever really like” “she’s just like another guy to me” etc etc. everything in the book to reassure me I was the only girl in his eyes and I believed every single word. Seeing this, I texted him saying I love him both platonically and romantically, and if this was what he decided he wanted, I couldn’t be his friend as I couldn’t support him (nowhere making it about myself, looking back I did nothing but his feelings in front of mine), he told me he missed me so much, that even if he liked her just a little bit he liked me a hundred times more, saying he feels like a total dck leading her on because she was very into him, saying i’m the only girl he can envision a future with and no matter what he does with her he couldn’t feel anything. And honestly, guys, as much as I would be seen as the girl who stupidly went back to her ex, this was my bestfriend of 5 years and I was at some point in his life one of the only people he told personal stuff to, I missed him more than my heart could take, I took him back. But again, I made the mistake of putting my love for him above my own well-being, and again, as the relationship progressed, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened— the way I felt so depressed and alone in a way I couldn’t describe without him while he had no problem seeking something else. The way I thought was, I never imagined him being the one to do something like this, it felt like I didn’t know who he was, I just saw him so differently. I couldn’t be happy because this resentment kept building up, which I broke up with him, profusely apologizing for taking him back and not thinking it through. But, he basically started something with her, and ended it to me with me, and I could tell how hurt she was from it, but she started dating one of his friends immediately after which he would use as a defense saying he didn’t even like him like that and that they weren’t serious and that I could tell because of how fast she moved on from it, that we were the only thing he was ever serious about. I just couldn’t help but have trust issues. We took a break from each other, afterwards tried staying friends, and it took some time but it started to feel somewhat normal again. Later on, my best friend works with him, she tells me that he’s been telling his co-workers everything about our relationship, saying I’m giving him mixed signals, and the girl who I mentioned before usually comes in asking for freebies, and when she came in one day, he pulled up both of our social medias asking his co-workers if we looked alike (me and her get this a lot, which again was one of the things I just couldn’t get passed) but just hearing all of this come from him, I just felt so uncomfortable and honestly it was final straw. He tried to explain profusely, saying it was true but he didn’t mean to drag my name, etc etc. wrote paragraphs up to paragraphs, but in the end, it began to feel mentally exhausting being in a friendship where I would hear things from other people before him. It started making me second guess who he was in general, thinking “if that night his friend didn’t mention he was at her house, would he had even confessed to it?” and all of this stuff. I knew I couldn’t be friends with him, and I replied to him which he replied to a bunch of other paragraphs just apologizing for everything — I never responded. Today, it’s now been a few months since we’ve texted about it, basically we haven’t had contact. He sends me TikToks occasionally and basically interacts with me on platforms, but hasn’t tried to reach out again. It took a long time for me to heal and move on and break that attachment I had for him, but I know he hasn’t moved on. I took him off social medias for my own well-being and for his, but I can’t help but think he needs closure to move on. My friends tell me he doesn’t deserve another minute of my time or he doesn’t deserve closure, but I feel as though he won’t move on if I don’t give it to him, if I don’t tell him one last time that I tried to be his friend, I tried to keep in my life but he continues to prove that he’s not who he showed me he was all this years and I just don’t feel comfortable being his friend considering he still has strong feelings for me. I missed him a lot before, it was hard to try to live without him in my life, and I can’t lie I miss him, but not as a boyfriend, I miss my best friend, and I wish I had never gone into this. I feel guilty for feeling that way knowing he still loves me, but I don’t know what to do. I know it will never go back to being that way, and I’m sure he doesn’t want it to. The thing is I feel as if I speak to him, I’ll reset my progress, I’ll feel bad for him and try to be friends knowing we can’t be, and I don’t want that. I want him to move on and live happily, but at the same time, I can’t do that for him. What should I do? :(