Everybody gave up. Now its my time

Last night should of been my last but somehow a force prevented it I guess maybe it wasnt my time but it still it still scared me But I thought you said I could trust you and tell you anything so i I told you some if my deepest and darkest secrets im sorry my rock bottom and trauma scared What was I supposed to do after not ask for help then everybody hate me for leaving I cant win and now I'm getting pity msgs that's awful feeling just move on I gave you my blessing so you could leave cleanly regardless that wya u can live the life j wanted.

I'm always here but maybe not forever you know the tortures shed got me under her control . I just am honestly taken back I wasnt expecting this but since I have autism to I can understand but it still hurts I feel betrayed unable to turn and rely on anyone. I cant rely on myself.

5 years of buildup and many relapses through 6 7 months led to that night but I'm supposed to have held it in silently and nobody thinks I am I was breaking down people's bottoms are never pretty. Not like hadn't set everything down fairly already said and provided more clarity anybody might ever find in this setting. I want to fade away now into the void

Now I'm just negative and bitter and angry at the world so I guess theresomething ...

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