My husband caught his SAA sponsor sexting...

My PA has turned a corner in his CSAT therapy and 12-Step work; after white-knuckling and then half-assing recovery for a year, in the last 6 months he found a deep resolve to heal - not just for our marriage but for himself. It's the kind of change that's transformative, and I can feel it.

But we just discovered his SAA sponsor is a fraud. I always side-eyed the man because he's a former priest who left to marry a nun and then became a therapist who was "inappropriate" with female patients - but I held my reservations because people can change. But it seems this man's pattern continues to this day...

My husband texted his sponsor to confirm their next meeting, and his sponsor accidentally replied with a message meant for someone else: "You got me fuckin' jazzed up Sis, and that is very good!" At their meeting later that day, the sponsor admitted he was texting a woman but claimed it wasn't sexual - that he's mentoring a woman struggling with compulsive eating and was just trying to use her students' slang for comedic effect to cheer her up.

My husband took this explanation at face value, but when I later saw the text, I knew IN MY BONES that they're the words of a man in his 70s sexting. In case I was being melodramatic, we each brought the text to our respective CSATs, who agreed that the text was obviously inappropriate and that he was violating his role as SAA sponsor by both acting out and then lying about it.

My husband confronted his sponsor at their next meeting, and the sponsor actually admitted that YES, he was sexting a woman who wasn't his wife - but NO, it wasn't a slip/relapse/breach of his sobriety because "the conversation didn't involve genitals."

This man left the priesthood because he broke his vows and pursued a nun, and after marrying her, he became a counselor who broke his marital vows AND professional ethics codes by being inappropriate with patients... and somehow he's convinced that sexting a woman from church whom he's mentoring ISN'T his old pattern of abuse and sexual impulsivity?!

Those of us who stay with PAs look everywhere for hope - for people farther down the recovery road who've gotten through the early years and gone on to give back to the world. This sponsor modeled a good path and even published several books about his experience with the 12-Step world... and to find out he's just the same power-hungry pervert he's been for over 40 years feels like a real slap in the face.

Interestingly, this experience has helped my PA understand a little bit of the betrayal trauma he put me through. Someone he was supposed to trust lied to him and leveraged his position to sell the lie. Someone he was especially vulnerable with exploited that trust to get away with integrity abuse. At least his decision now is easy: He's going to sever the relationship at their next meeting.

Because of the confidential nature of their sponsor/sponsee dynamic and the way 12-Step groups run, I have no recourse to report him. I really just needed to get this off my chest to a community I know will understand my frustration.