A million emotions as I am about to get out finally. Could use some support!

Trying to keep this as concise as possible! I’ve posted here a few times over the last couple years. All have since been deleted but I wanted to post this because I am finally about to get out and I am having a bit of a hard time. I am so excited for what my future will look like when I am out, but the leaving part is killing me.

My husband became abusive after we got married. Like right after. Like bruised me on our honeymoon. He’s never hit me but he will flip over furniture I’m on, break stuff, damage the house, break my important stuff, and is increasingly verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive.

I’ve put up with it for a couple years now because I wouldn’t be able to afford a place to rent that would take my dogs. They are my world and I would rather put up with abuse than leave them behind. I managed to find a job that pays a bit more, but still not quite enough for the rent prices these days.

Last week I found out that he’s been cheating on me with prostitutes and lying straight to my face about it. That was the last straw. I started looking for places to move to and surprisingly I found a few that would take my dogs. I’d have to get a second job for most of them, but one was really affordable. There was a lot of competition but I found out yesterday I was selected! I’m so happy and so relieved, but now the guilt and fear is kicking in.

I’m an extremely empathetic person, so the thought of leaving him and potentially hurting him is killing me. I’m planning on leaving without saying anything so the thought of him coming home to his whole family gone is heartbreaking. He can cheat on me and lie to my face and I am feeling bad that I’m going to take the modem with me so he’ll have no internet. What is wrong with me?? We’ve also been together over 10 years and have had a ton of great times so it’s hurting me too.

I almost left a few times a couple years ago but I chickened out. I 100% am not chickening out this time. I have to do this and I’m going to do this. Everything has fallen in line. But I’m scared and sad and spiralling a bit. Anyone else felt this way before leaving? Could use some words if encouragement!