I "worked on myself" for a few years and it worked. But now I have a dilemma.

I thought I'd share this as a counter to the constant despair and doom on these dating subs. But also wondering if anyone has any advice or thinks I'm approaching this wrong.

TLDR: I spent the last five-ish years on self-improvement and my dating life has improved dramatically. But now I find myself with two of the best dating prospects I've had in years (maybe decades), and I'm unsure if I should continue dating both or focus on one.

Long version:

So I'm 40. Years ago I would have been one of these people posting about how dating is pointless and I'll be alone forever. I've only had 3 serious relationships in my life, and none lasted for more than a year. So I've been single 90% or so of my life.

About five years ago, after emerging from a long battle with addiction and feeling very lonely, I decided to take the common advice of "work on yourself" and "find hobbies" and take it seriously. I began working out consistently. I do bodybuilding-style training 3 or 4 days a week. I also started spending upwards of an hour a day learning Spanish. I stuck with both of them and have achieved a respectable intermediate level in both.

More recently, I've gotten involved with social/political activism, which has always been important to me. I've also developed a collection of houseplants which has enhanced my living environment and given me another positive thing to do and think about. About four months ago I started taking Tango classes.

In short, I don't have time to play video games anymore or watch too much TV. I don't have the most impressive job. (I'm a butcher.) I'm not six feet tall (5'10") but probably about a year and a half ago I noticed that women are generally really impressed with me now. My dating profiles get more attention. Moreover, women in my social circle or at work see on social media all this cool stuff I have going on and they're interested in it. They frequently ask me about it.

Last year I had something like 12-15 first dates, mostly from dating apps. One of them was an amazing 53-year-old woman whom I dated for 2 or 3 months. It didn't work out, but led to some amazing memories, and we're still friends.

In the last six months or so I've become so satisfied with my life and what I accomplish every day that I barely even think about dating.

Right around this time a woman started at my job; we'll call her Ashley. I had a crush on her from the first time I saw her. I just thought she was super cute. Within about a week she added me on Facebook and we would occasionally talk. She seemed like the sweetest person I'd ever met. Everybody likes her. She's also a professional-quality baker and would bring stunning cupcakes and other sweets to work on a regular basis. One time she brought a special tray just for me!

Two coworkers eventually told me, "You know Ashley has the hots for you, right?" They told me she would talk about me and how cute I am, would gush over my physique, and would smile ear-to-ear when my name was mentioned.

Before too long I decided that I don't care if we work together; if we both like each other, I'm going to just go for it. So I messaged her on Facebook and told her I think she's cute and asked if she'd like to hang out outside of work. She said she would love to.

About two days later she found a better job and quit. This was good news in a way, but it led to a huge shakeup in her schedule at her new job, and with her daughter with whom she shares custody. She was also about to go on a trip out of town. So we had trouble lining up our schedules and we were "talking" for over a month.

I found this understandable, but also discouraging and thought maybe she was going to just end up flaking on me (which I've experienced numerous times). So when I got a like on Hinge from an absolutely amazing woman (we'll call Jennifer), I started talking to her. She was beautiful and we connected on so many things: similar values, interests, same age. (She's 41; Ashley is 29.) She also has no kids which isn't a deal-breaking issue for me, but obviously makes dating easier and maybe makes us more compatible.

We exchanged a lot of voice notes and her voice just makes me melt. We scheduled a video chat and her smile alone gave me butterflies in my stomach. I had to cut the chat relatively short because I had private Tango lessons scheduled. She ended by saying, "Will you teach me tango, Rob?"

So we agreed to a date the following Saturday (last Saturday as of this writing). However, within the same couple of days, Ashley reached out and wanted to schedule something. The following Tuesday was the only day that worked for both of us. So I had Ashley coming up on Tuesday and Jennifer on Saturday. At this point, however, I was so excited for Jennifer that I wasn't thinking much about Ashley; she could have canceled and I wouldn't have minded too much.

But then Tuesday came. She came to my apartment and brought a card game called, "We're not really Strangers." It's a question-based game that helps you get to know one another. She brought some wine. At first she didn't make much eye contact and told me she was intimidated by me, because I'm "so cute and so smart." That she has been really nervous to go out with me.

The wine loosened us up and we started laughing a lot. A card came up that told us to make up our own questions. I asked, "Can I kiss you?" She immediately nodded and said "Yes" and it was an amazing, passionate, slow kiss.

Long story short, I offered that she stay the night because she was drinking. She did, and our physical chemistry is off the charts. Honestly, she might be the most sensual and generous lover I have ever had. We continued texting and we have another date set for this Friday.

So at this point I felt damn-near in love with Ashley already, so the tables turned: I wouldn't have been upset if Jennifer canceled on me. But then Saturday came. We went to a circus/aerial arts show together that her friend was performing in. She said that usually she wouldn't offer something like this on a first date, but she had a really good feeling about me, and I agreed.

It went amazing. We shared many laughs, some tears.... She's even more beautiful in person. She is very intelligent, comes off as extremely kind, thoughtful, open, communicative, and has health boundaries (a nice change of pace after dating a narcissist last year). She's also disabled from a chronic pain condition and walks with a cane. But oddly enough, that makes me like her even more because she has such a positive attitude about it.

I ended the date by dropping her off and saying, "I'd like to kiss you." She said, "OK" and again.... slow, passionate, beautiful kiss. I was struck by how good she tasted. Unprompted, she said she'd like to see me again.

Years ago, after the date with Ashley I probably would have canceled on Jennifer and told her I'm not emotionally available. But I've been burned multiple times by counting my eggs before they've hatched. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong.... but am I? If one of them asked me if I'm seeing someone else, I'd certainly tell them the truth.

I feel like I have to be guided by my heart but at this point that's not enough. I think they're both great relationship material and I'm near-certain they both feel the same about me. So we have:

Ashley: Much younger than me (29), has a kid, doesn't really share many of my passions or interests, but we have off-the-charts physical chemistry, she makes me feel really confident and sexy, is extremely giving, and I've already developed some feelings for her. I've known her for about six months.

Jennifer: My age (41), connects with me on an intellectual level and is extremely excited about my passions, also has no kids.... she might fit better in my life as a partner/best friend. She might have a similar level of physical chemistry with me but I just don't know yet. (Maybe I'll find out next time?) I already have some feelings for her too but they're not as deep.

Last week I went out briefly and a very attractive woman bought me a drink and gave me her number, and usually I'd be all over that. But I don't have the energy for more than this. I'm a monogamist at heart. I want a partner, just one.

Any advice?

And to reiterate what I mentioned above, "work on yourself" does indeed work. You just might have to put some years in. You need to have a life that fulfills you on your own and that you're proud of. If you've achieved that, people will gravitate to you. Trust me. Don't give up.