I just can't win...

Me and my bf is currently in an argument that I had to leave. The short story is that I get very quiet and become very small (look down, try to take up as little space as possible etc) when someone raises their voice. I've been in a house with yelling as a kid and I would usually hide in my room for days after.

The problem is that I get very inattentive when I'm eating and make noises (loud chewing, loud drinking etc) without realizing it. I grew up in a house where we talk a lot during dinner and nobody cared if anyone talked with food in their mouths. This has NOT been the case for my bf. He is very sensitive to eating noises and will ask me to be quiet while eating. Even when he is asking nicely I feel rejected, unloved and wrong. I have really tried to work on this and I can now handle it much better if he says it nicely. However, he gets very frustrated and sometimes still raises his voice - like today. And that's when I feel rejected and unwanted. But I also get kinda mad because he comments on my eating but when I comment on him leaving his used socks on the floor, he removed them for a while and then continues to leave them on the floor.

So what happens is that I look down, stop talking and try to disappear at the dinner table. Of course this is impossible since we are just two people and he will then get mad that I don't talk with him. My initial reaction is that I want to leave the room, so for me it is a compromise to stay, since I know he will get even more mad if I leave. But he is now mad that I don't talk. But if I try to talk, I am now in such a bad mood that I will lash out at him and then we have a verbal fight. So I just can't win. And he doesn't understand it. So now we are sitting in different rooms in our apartment being mad...

I'm not sure what I wanted to get out of this post, but maybe someone has tried something similar? I'm not on any meds rn if that's important (I'm on the waiting list for a psychiatrist in Denmark).