Having to poop and purge in the same trip to the bathroom

When will our generations greatest philosophers figure out which order is the best? Do I poop first then have to put my face and open mouth right where there was poop 5 seconds before? Or do I purge then have to sit on the toilet thats still a bit damp from wiping it down with whatever bathroom cleaner I could find? Are we human or are we dancer? Why am I 27 and still bulimic? Why does God punish his strongest warriors?