Quite recent diagnosis worsened my self esteem

I hesitated with the vent flair as I'm not sure why I'm writing this, probably to read some similar stories or feel understood.

I got diagnosed in December and I think none of my friends or partner were surprised (once the ADHD clarification done as many had the cliché in mind of a little boy with a lot of energy). I felt some relief at first as it explained so much (also about my family but they don't believe in adhd), and it allowed me to feel less guilty about who I am or why I react this way.

However, I started struggling with a low self esteem a bit after. It didn't help that I started a new job in January (very small company, very nice people but big personalities and I tend to make myself smaller - however, I feel like myself and not masking which is nice).

Actually, maybe that related in some way: I'm masking less since I found out about the diagnosis. But it then makes me feel worse about the image I'm showing of myself (don't know if it makes sense?).

I struggled a lot with my childhood friends (and mostly my best friend) a couple of years ago because of "my little flaws" (as we called them like this back then...). I'm actually quite proud of this because I fought for myself, put the relationship on the line and, even though I had not idea it was ADHD, was able to explain that i'm really trying but it just takes me a lot of energy, hence not being able to "overcome these flaws" at all times. Anyway, I say I'm proud because I stood up for myself and we actually managed to make our friendship grow and it's super healthy today.

So why does it feel like today with everyone else (outside childhood friends and partner) that I'm terrible? I'm even self conscious around other long term friends.

I've sometimes heard of felt that I'm a acquired taste but this makes all new social interactions super stressful. I have a bachelor weekend this weekend (uni friend and I know less than half of the 12 people there) and I'm super stressed. I had to organise a little part with some and I doubted myself at every step (I'm taking too much space, why did I reply this or at all, I appear tense and controlling again...etc).

I guess now that I realise it's not just my personality, that I'm actually different and it can really be annoying for others, I realise much more my different brain and I feel so not worthy of being liked and appreciated. To note that I always struggled with rejection though, especially in groups of friends.

Anyway, hoping that the medication can also help with this or the hyperactive brain / anxiety but I'm waiting for the neuro appointment in May!

(Also doesn't help that I'm pre-menstruating right now haha)