Is it weird to hide your growth so people don’t mock it?

Sometimes my confidence is sky high.
But most of the time? It’s buried underground.

My past was full of jokes, memes, empty laughs. Don’t get me wrong—it wasn’t a good time. Just… hollow friendships.

These days I’m trying to value myself more.
Back then, if I had told my friends “I wanna write a book,” they’d laugh their asses off.
I don’t blame them. I chose them.

Now I read a lot. I play guitar. But secretly.
Because I know they’d turn it into a joke.

I even thought about moving to another city just to reset.

I wanna meet new people—people I can actually share meaningful stuff with. But my city sucks for that.
And when I do meet someone new, I freeze.
Like if I share what I know or love, they’ll laugh too.

And then there’s the sweating.
It’s like… the moment I think I might sweat, my body’s like “bet.”
I sweat like crazy—even if it’s -2°C outside.

Idk what’s wrong. I just wanna connect. Be seen.
But I keep hiding. From them. From myself.