i need some advice from other perspectives

hi guys ty for reading this and ty more if you give me an advice i brokeup with my gf after one year for second time first time he would block or even hide her boy_friend after i even asked him seven times but we backed together and we tried to fixed things

it was going good and even i told her i am gonna talk to your family for proposal and this stuff after graduation from college so i have a job and a degree so i can provide for her but she forced me for marriage right now and told me some uncomfortable things like (during my panic attack) she hit me in chest in bus and told me to get your shit together you aren't only unwell person and she put me in so much street in these year of relationship it was torture (i got some stomach health condition cuz of street) and i broke up with her like a month and she texted me

long story short she is changed and wanna have a healthy relationship and wanna fix things and i should stay on my promise for sstaying together forever and she wanna put the efforts and i am not the person who f ed everything

and i love her so much although i don't want that strees back but my feeling for her is not normal i hope you guys know what i mean she is my first love