Love isn't beautiful

Pain, despair, hopelessness. Is this what awaits us at the end of every relationship? All relationships will come to an end eventually. It's infinitely worse when you're the toxic one—by action and omission. Yep, I'm the one who destroyed my previous relationship. And I deserve every second of the misery that I'm experiencing. If you think about it, we're always setting ourselves up for heartbreak. It could happen to you in 3 months or in 40 years from now. Your relationship will end—that's inevitable. Even the ones that "last forever" will end someday when one person from the couple dies. And then the other remains, left alone, full of agony and sadness. Why is our existence so cursed and full of suffering? I can't see the beauty in life anymore. Everything is gray, everything is devoid of meaning. I feel pain when I wake up; I feel pain when I'm alone at night with feelings of regret and dread. Life is a cruel joke designed with the sole objective of harming us at every moment, in every way possible. I know this is a pretty fucked-up take on things, but I'm completely broken right now, so please bear with me and let me vent a little.