I (23F) feel like I might have to leave my (26M) bf, but I don’t want to. Is our relationship salvageable? or is it a lost cause?

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. We moved in together very early on into our relationship despite the opinions of our friends and families. We have had several major issues pretty much since our relationship began. He is a sex addict, which is fine. But one of his stipulations for being with me, is that I have to be okay with having threesomes ONLY with other women. i am more than okay with that, but i do have boundaries with it. (no friends, actually bisexual, etc). One of my biggest boundaries, is that he doesn’t engage in any sort of activity with other women without my knowledge and consent. He has crossed this boundary on numerous occasions. It’s been a while, but to my knowledge he has since stopped. He has a tendency to “break up” with me when our arguments escalate. I know it’s never a real break up, but he will take it pretty far. I should mention that I live with him in a house that he owns and he supports me financially 100%. (A dynamic he said he always wanted). During these break ups, he has sought out other women. He hasn’t met anyone in real life as far as I know, but he was sending them nudes as well as videos of him and I together. When we would “get back together”, I would ask him if he had talked to other girls and he would say he hasn’t. There was one occasion where i caught him talking to other girls while we were still together. This was months ago, and he has since been “good” and not doing that stuff- as far as i know at least. However, if he brings up a potential unicorn for a threesome, and i say no to her for whatever reason, he gets unreasonably upset with me. When we fight, he loses self control and will say very cruel things to me that will never leave my mind. For example, he mistook my tone as passive the other day, and i explained to him that it wasn’t. he didn’t believe me. he kept telling me to get away from him, and when i didnt he broke a lamp and a full bottle of nyquil. (i had forgotten to rinse out the cap amd it was gross). he then proceeded to say “This is why your mom got beat. You people are all the same. You never know when to shut the fuck up.”

In his defense, I have never been good at giving him space when he asks for it. I also tend to clean things or prepare food differently than he does. He is the kind of person who wants to be able to eat off the floor at all times. I am not dirty, but I’m not that anal about it and it frustrates him. I try to be better, and even he has admits that i’ve been better. but it’s never good enough. he tells me that he loves me, and that he wants us to work. i know he bought me a ring. his whole family loves me, but he is the kind of person that wants to hurt me when he feels that i have hurt him. there is never any sort of productive conversation. he is a very traumatized individual, and i am too. but it’s getting hard to make excuses for him because i would never act the way that he does even out of hurt. he calls me names, he degrades me, and he has told me on several occasions that he believes he is better than me amd more “valuable”. he has also admitted that he will never be vulnerable with another person ever again, which makes me feel like he can’t truly love me. i can’t express sadness or i’m a pussy 90% of the time.

but he can also be so kind. he defends me to anyone- including his own friends. he has bent over backwards to get me what i want/need. he is extremely funny and can be so loving. he always says that if the house was clean the way he wants, and if the food was made the way he wants then we’d have no problems.

i tried to explain to him the other day that i feel trapped. he has told me before he’d rather break up than me get a job. i said that i’d rather pay half the bills then feel the way i do. he took that literally. we now have our own sides of the fridge, our own laundry, etc. i can’t afford to buy food or gas right now because i’m trying to get back on my feet. i know deep down he is hurting, and i just want to see him blossom into the wonderful man i know he can be. but i feel like he is far too convinced that he is perfect- or at least better than me- so he won’t ever make an effort to be better. he has told me several times that “this is just who i am. if you don’t like it go find some loser to put up with you” and it just hurts. all of my friends as well as my family are panicked telling me i need to leave, but for some reason my heart wants to stay. i feel like he can be better as silly as that might sound.

how, if at all, can we move on from this? is this relationship a lost cause?