I hate my body. Why can't I be healthy like everyone else?

I'm constantly sick or unwell or dealing with one issue or the other. It's like I can't catch a break. I have to live healthier than everyone else just to survive. I can never thrive in work or my social relationships because of my inconsistent moods relating to my weak health. I just want to feel okay.

I've already had a few near death situations caused by my weak body. If i lived in the olden times I would just 100% be dead by now due to my weak constitution.

My gut health is as fragile as it comes and i struggle with brain fog so bad I can't hold a normal job, but it's all okay because I'm "living my dream" pursuing my passion when it's just that it's the only job i can hold, but I'm getting older and can't cope with the workload anymore. Younger, healthier, more capable people are coming up and I can't compare.

Every time my health is doing alright, which happens only every few months, I get cramps so severe it makes drives me back into the pit of depression i worked so hard to overcome all my life because it feels like my body hates me.

I hate that i have to be so strong. I hate that I can't be whiny about all the things I've had to endure because I'll just push away people sho care about me.

I'm conventionally attractive and thin so people won't believe how much i hate this body. Every time i see healthy midsized woman critiqued for her weight I want to scream and scream and scream that SHE'S HEALTHY. SHE'S HEALTHY AND THAT'S ALL THAT SHOULD MATTER.

I genuinely have overcome my general depression with sheer willpower but it all gets undone when i feel like my body is punishing me for being alive. If i was rich this would be less of an issue. Everything just feels hopeless because my entire life feels like an endless uphill battle just for normalcy.