Should I stay or should I go?

I’m stuck in my feelings and I don’t know what I’m truly wanting or what is right. Just over a month ago I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I was very adamant and this is not the first time I have said I wanted it. My husband(34) and I(27) have been in an “open relationship” practically our whole marriage of almost 8 years. He pushed me for a long time to sleep with others because I had only slept with 4 people before him. I was very against it, but eventually I fell into it. He would have me sleep with his friends and coworkers or my friends and coworkers. He never slept with anyone. It escalated to porn like scenarios like ordering food and trying to sleep with the delivery guy(which I never did but had set up that scenario soo many times). I would also get “punished” when I didn’t do exactly what it was he asked so that meant something like having to flash a drive thru worker or had to sleep with 3 guys in a night or something sexually charged. After our first daughter was born when she was around 1.5 those instances had gotten so bad that I said I wanted a divorce. He apologized and said it was going to change. That lasted for so long before he would ask for those things again. Multiple times I had told him no I’m not doing this anymore but again it would always come back. There was a couple years where we didn’t live together full time because he had to work so he convinced me to let him set up guys to come over for me to have sex with. He knew how much I hated it and he knew I didn’t want it. He would have me record it and send it to him. We moved somewhere sort of far out of the way in a trailer and so he started to set up guys for me to go and see. So I would leave after my kids were in bed and not come back home until about 3 in the morning, sometimes later. We moved into a friends basement for the winter since we have a new baby and of course, I already knew, he asked me to sleep with him. For the first time I was pretty attracted to him and the sex was really good. Eventually it turned into a regular thing, we spent a lot of time together. New Years I got overly drunk and we all came back home from being out and our roommate and I went back out to the bar until close and came back home, had our fun, and I passed out. My husband was pissed and hurt and the night after said he was gonna go back to live in the trailer and the only way he’d come back is if I let him punish me for it. A couple months after that he let me spend the week over night with our roommate, that was when I realized I couldn’t put up with him anymore. We had a rough couple of days and then I finally said divorce and he broke. I was adamant and he convinced me to just give him a month to show that he can change and that it’s fair to the kids and for our 8 years to try. It was a high for like a week until I started to remember everything that made me want to leave. He is trying and he has made improvements but how much longer will that last? I’m very overwhelmed and now figuring out that our Roomate and I have feelings for each other and it’s making it all that much harder. I fell out of love with him a long time ago and I don’t know if I can again or if I’ll ever forgive him. I need help. Please.