Please somebody help have you felt the same??

I really don't know what to do I feel like I'm spiralling everyday. I've had hocd twice and pocd once. I've had crushes on boys since I was 4 and only wanted to be with boys. I was in a long term relationship and I've been single for 4 years - dated and only been intimate with men never once had the desire to be with a woman but now I've just got into a new relationship it's telling me I'm a lesbian and I have strong feelings for my friend I've knew for years? Well it's going between two friends and like I need to leave my boyfriend now to be with either one of them. I just feel so awful I feel like I'm living this massive lie I cry everyday. Last two times I had hocd it was more like gronials but this time it feels like feelings or like I want to be like this but it feels like if I split up with my boyfriend it would almost all go away? I don't know :(