Dated for 8 months and it ended yesterday

I (27F) have met a man (30M) from a dating app last September. I am NBSB, and he got out of a long term relationship 3 months before we met.

Eversince we met, we would have a call 4-5 hours (or more) almost everyday, watching movies/ while doing our own routine/working online. At first, we both agreed to just enjoy each other’s company and see how things go. Come January this year, we started doing what normal bf/gf would do such as giving each other gifts, Valentines date and flowers, long weekends together in each other’s house, meeting his sister, unprotected sex (he got tested and I am on birth control before we agreed to do this), summer plans (going out of country). All of these made me hope, maybe this thing between us has a potential of becoming something more.

Since March, things/feelings got complicated. I started getting jealous thinking of him still talking to other women when we have already each other talking for 4-5 hours daily. It came to a point where I told him I’m annoyed at him bailing over our plan on a weekend when he’s online the whole time on socmed. Yesterday, we had to clarify where we currently stand. I said I wanted exclusivity and he said he’s not yet ready for the commitment and responsibilities that go along with being exclusive.

Obviously, I am now a wreck for how things have turned out. I’m scolding myself for letting this go on for so long. As I said, I am NBSB, and this is my first time experiencing all of these: first holding hands, kiss, date, sex, meeting his family. And it is all with him. 🥲

I am very overwhelmed right now with all these feelings — with handling my first heartbreak. I’m hesitant of opening up to my friends as I feel so foolish for letting this go on for months. I have let myself enjoy and get comfortable too much that I didn’t set a limit. I’ve grown very attached/reliant to him with all the long daily calls and long weekends together.

I don’t know where to start. I know I’ll be okay someday but right now, I just feel empty and lonely. Is it reasonable to cry over a thing that has no label?🥲

We decided to take a break since the ‘break up’ but at some point this weekend, we have to call again to arrange how we’re going to return each other’s stuff (i.e. hoodie, blanket, pants, shoes) left from each other’s house.

I hope this will be a warning to other women who set no limits when dating. Please don’t be a naive like me. Although, there’s a chance that your situation will end up in a positive outcome, please please, prioritize yourself, guard your little heart and set boundaries/limits.

It’s true what they say, the longer you stay on the wrong train, the more costly it is to find your way back home.🥲

P.S. Virtual hugs are much appreciated.🥺