Explore page on tik tok

My husband , (31) Has been a porn addict . 2 years ago our marriage came to a head when I found not just porn , on his phone and that he downloaded tinder and only fans . ( I did not get to see the contents of the tender, nor are the only fans just that he had the apps at one point through his App Store . I confronted him and it was rough I found out he wasn’t attracted to me , as well as parts of me disgusted him and that he was considering cheating and told me he had no respect for me .

He came clean and it almost broke us , I decided to stay. I was postpartum with our 6th baby and a SAHM . My church encouraged me to stay . Not to mention that I love this man deeply . At the time we had been together for nine years. I knew he had had a porn problem, but I didn’t know how bad it was or really much about porn addiction before that .

He refused to get to help, he wanted to do it on his own. He had wanted me to be his support partner, but after about a month of that, I just couldn’t. I was suffering from really bad, betrayal trauma and PTSD like symptoms. So I told him that he needed to find a support partner who was more neutral. So it wouldn’t be so personal for them to hear these things or see them.

I left him to it, and I know that he continued these two years to some degree because he believes that an addict will always be an addict But would tell me that he is trying to get clean again or that he has been clean for a certain period of time . I had thought that he was doing pretty good because our marriage life started to get better. he started to have respect for me again as well as put more effort into our marriage . But we still didn’t talk much about the subject. My pastor had gave him some recommendations about a direction on how to help himself.

I guess I just assumed that maybe he could do it on his own . He had been off of social media for a while until recently. He only had a YouTube.

He told me recently that he downloaded TikTok . He said it’s because his YouTube was getting really bad quality videos for some reason and he couldn’t fix it. I didn’t believe it. I don’t believe it. He’s had it for about a month and he likes to lay down and watch videos with me on his for you page which is generally clean. I got curious one time and checked his activity. He’s not liking or following other women, but his explore page is literally nothing but big chested and big butt women. There is literally no other topic on the page even if you scroll down.

I know that that means that he’s clicking on these woman and looking up woman . I guess when I’m asking, is it possible that it just ends there and doesn’t lead to porn? Is there some way of coping with not looking up porn?

I see us driving down the street and every time we pass Twin Peaks on our way home on Sunday , even though you can’t see through the windows, his head always turns like he’s looking for something. Or when we drive past the woman running. It’s almost like an insatiable need that he has .

I’ve given him 2 years to help himself /get help . From the studies that I’ve looked into about what porn does to the brain. I am fully aware that he needs help and cannot do it on his own. But I also understand his refusal to get help means that he doesn’t want it. I can’t force someone who doesn’t want it and I don’t want to force someone.

I want to address the subject about his explore page but he’s to try to gaslight me out of my feelings on this topic. I just want to know from y’all’s experiences , what y’all think. Thanks for your time if you made it this far.