Can't hurt me: #Challenge 1.... It was said to share it with people so this is me doing so, it is not my complete heart I am pouring out coz its my heart I haven't understood yet. #David Goggins # Living better

What is my bad card?

Living comfortably, I might say. Growing up, I was always criticized as much as encouraged which ensured that I was low on confidence. But the thing is back then, I was an elite student, the student participating in every competition there is, the one with the best grades in simple words she was an all-rounder. So having low confidence wasn’t a knack strangling her throat as much because she held power.

Fast forward to now, this girl is by all means the version the all-rounder wouldn’t ever have dreamt of. She is ugly, attention seeking, people pleaser, fat, and her scores are too low to even talk ‘bout. Only one thing remained but even that skill is overlooked because of the lack of other stuff. In simpler words, she is powerless now and her low confidence doesn’t do her any good here. Her family criticizes her openly, talk behind her back, doubt her at every step, underestimate her and now it feels like they actually have given up.

She has no friendship that goes deep, only surface level friends and even they have turned their backs on her, bullshit her behind her back and hate her. Her siblings and cousins overlook her and nobody supports her then, instead they nod their heads registering their next lecture on the same topic some coming day because its now become a habit.

The girl’s mind is flocked. She barely pays attention, forgets more than she can remember and cares too much or sometimes not at all. She doesn’t know what she wants from life that’s how much of a coward I am. She strives and falls and just gives up. She has now become this loser stinking as a worthless piece of shit in a sewer reaching that slight hope and failing miserably.

What are the current factors limiting my growth?

1.   I am a coward

2.   I am egoistic for no apparent reason

3.   I give up too easily

4.   I dream a lot

5.   I sleep a lot

6.   I can’t stand for myself

7.   I have low self confidence

8.   I am turning into this person who I can no longer know, sometimes I become this person who wants to change the damn world and next I would change back to my old self, just worse.

9.   I people please a lot

10. I have no independent thoughts and even if I deliver them the thought of right and wrong haunts me throughout so I just waiver clear on to make decisions or then depend on someone to do so.