It's been a year

It's been a year since my mom died but it feels like it's been two seconds. She had ALS. It's been so hard for me because she was close to me and I'm only 33. I am close with my sister too but I am a very deep feeler and her emotions are not the same as me and my mom's. My mom just fully understood my emotions and was there for me always. I thought I would have her around way longer. She was the closest person to me. She had ALS and the last few years of her life sucked for her. I'm really remembering her now before that time and how much love she gave me and when she was happier.

I'm just having a really hard week because of this. This weekend my dad and sister and I will go to spread her ashes.

Idk...I just feel like a huge bag of shit. I feel like I hate my life. It's been the same for the year and not in a good way and now I'm just reminded I haven't done shit to help myself for a whole year. Just lots of really awful thoughts and emotions right now...