Morality rate of bipolar

I can’t say this to anyone or talk them. I have had suicide attempts so this kind of talk will not be as accepting or a point where I just want to have a conversation about it.

My mom had taken her life and i found her, cut her down and no one in the family really witnessed her. I have bipolar 2 and ptsd. With this I was reading that people with bipolar have a 19% chance of dying due to suicide. I haven’t attempted in 12 years but many times idealization, planning but never did due to a promise I made with my daughter.

I had a serious blow up on my husband this weekend where I felt out of body and I left him crying. I emotionally hurted him. He said your going to leave me….i said what do you mean? He said you will take your life and I don’t think I can stop it no matter what I do…..this hurt so bad. I promised him I won’t, I will go through all the channels need to make sure I don’t. Realistically though I thought about this…..I thought about what are the chances I’m really gonna make it. I honestly have no feelings or thoughts about it but just really thinking when will it be too much. Like what are my percentage chances of actually making it for them.19%…. Idk I’ll keep my hopes high. Just wanted to vent