I never paid my student loan. Its been over a year.

Still in my 20s. A few years ago in 2021, i took out a student loan from an online student loan website. I was able to make the first few payments, but after that I lost my job, went into a severe depression, which caused me to flunk out. I was suicidal and had a plan so i planed not to pay the loan.

They started contacting me and I ignored the calls due to the planned suicide. After months of ignoring, the calls from the company stopped. I have moved 2 times since taking out the loan so that could also be why I never got mail. Fast forward to now it’s been almost 1.5 years and I have not heard back from the company directly but i am still getting occasional calls from collectors.

Recently I had a complete turn around in my life (i will spare the long story) and now I am in a better place with a job, ready to make payments again. This is something that has been bothering me for a long time now and is something that I really want to pay off and rebuild for a better life/future.

when i go on the website, the loan is not on my account.

So I’m please asking, what should I do? who should i call? what is going to happen to me? (i am quite terrified)