We decided we'd 'decide together' but...

I'm 32, Male. We've lived together for a while, been together 5 years. Not married yet.

Some part of me feels like I'd be happy if she decided to say she did want a kid.
Another part of me is kind of happy that I don't have to think about having kids, since despite the fact I think it'd be a great thing in my life, I just don't feel the pull to have children.

I think when I was younger I always thought I'd have kids at this point, but when I came up to this age, I realized I never thought about it much. The idea of having a kid is just unreal. My girlfriend always figured she'd never have kids, and only barely is considering it. We've come together to say that no matter what, we'll figure it out together.

I feel weird about it though, because we only have a certain amount of time to really decide, and neither of us is really thinking that hard about it. We're both fairly occupied with other things. I feel like I'm still acting like I'm in my 20s, but I don't know what 'growing up' would mean. Like, does that mean I'm just not ready because I haven't taken other responsibilities in my life?

None of our friends are really, except a few here and there. I feel like I'm on the rails to a child free life. That sounds nice in itself, but also kind of empty and shallow. It's weird to feel ok with a ticking clock toward something I never anticipated for myself. I feel like I don't want it enough for me to make the difference in my life and break up or something. I guess I never took it too seriously. I feel like despite being a fairly successful human being, I've been feeling my life be shaped by other people. Then again, maybe it's my choice in the end. I'm doing better than I was before, but the time is just going by.

I kind of just want to give up and accept my life as it is, but I'm afraid that means I'm failing myself.
In the meantime, I'm kind of glad I don't have a kid I have to take care of, but at the same time I think about coming home and seeing my kids, and that seems like a pretty cool thing.

I have no idea what to do.