Feeling Alone in My Thoughts

I've been a Muslim my whole life. I'm lucky to have two close friends, and with one of them, I can sometimes open up and talk about deeper things. I really cherish those moments. But even then, there's a limit, I can't fully let my mind roam free, can't fully share the things that keep me up at night.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just floating in the universe alone with my thoughts. I wonder: am I the only one who thinks this way? Is it really that hard to find someone who sees the world like I do, or who at least wants to explore it with me?

I've tried being in relationship with a Muslim girl, thinking maybe we could connect on a deeper level. But every time we touch on big topics like existence, beliefs, emotions.. it turns into an argument. It feels like I'm too much. After my last breakup, I started thinking maybe I shouldn’t be with someone who’s too religious, because it always ends up in friction.

But the problem is, I live in a Muslim country. It’s not easy to find someone who isn’t religious, and when I do, she usually isn’t ready for the kind of conversations I crave, conversations that go beyond surface-level stuff. It’s either walls go up, or I just feel like I’m talking to someone who’s not really there with me.

It’s lonely. It really is. I just want to find someone I can share my mind with, without holding back, without it turning into a fight, without feeling like I’m asking for too much.

Has anyone else felt this kind of loneliness? How do you deal with it?